A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've just started seeing someone but I'm heavily attached to them. I am upset because I always like to make sure he's okay and maybe I am too concerned for his welfare.Last night we went out and I made sure I texted him to see if he got home ok but he never replied and then I messaged him and said it's only cause I care about you I know you're independent. But he's been active all day and hasn't said anything. I literally speak so often to him and he us very selfish as I really don't think he thinks about how I feel at all. Well he doesn't really. Idk but isn't it rude to not reply when I literally couldn't sleep all night cause I was worrying...I can't let go of being this way because I get invested into people and he seems to be probably unintentionally, upsetting me. I just want to Know if I'm being unreasonable because of not sleeping due to him not replying. The least I thought he would do today would be to say hey thanks I'm ok but nothing. Idk I can't keep on like this?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): Smothering people with love, will snuff your relationships out like candles.
My boyfriend owns a business that uses a lot of heavy equipment, cranes, boulders, stones, rocks, and bricks. I wasn't used to this stuff. When we first met, and I learned what he does for a living; I just assumed all he does is boss people around.
Nope, he likes to get in the thick of things. I had to keep it cool, knowing how dangerous construction sites can be. He builds and contructs beautiful retainer walls, fancy paved and stone patios, pools, fountains, and fabulous driveways. He also takes on huge construction projects. I've watched him balancing on the edge of high beams. I used to ask him to call me at the end of each day; just to know he was still alive. He doesn't. So, I just pray he's okay, and my heart fills with joy at the end of his day when he does. Neither of us like texting. So we trust we're fine out of each others radar.
You have to learn to do the same. You are insecure and begging for constant reassurance he likes you. It has nothing to do with his safety. You're needy. We're all like that with new relationships, but we can't look like wackos to people just getting to know us. He doesn't like being texted and checked-up on. Respect that. He will contact you when he wants to. If you get all that upset about his lack of response. Dump him. He's not walking around on high beams and standing around cranes moving giant boulders. He's just chilling or working. If it's really late, he's asleep! He's not always walking around waiting for an anvil to fall from the sky on top of him.
Take an extra-strength chill pill. Get used to dating guys who don't like using their smart phones like tracking devices, or those ankle-bracelets they monitor criminals with. Some people like to live their normal lives when apart from being with you.
Time to grow-up!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 August 2015):
 I do think it's a "bit" overreaction to not sleep because he hasn't answered a text. IF you were SO overly concerned why didn't you call?
You need to learn to chill.
I'm a worrier. I worry about EVERYTHING (seriously) it's obsessive and intrusive. NOT at all healthy. I have learned to tone it down a little bit, but I still run through 50 scenarios of what-if's at times. I have to be very firm with myself to stop. For me it's part of me being OCD. It's part of my rituals. I know that I can find calm and stop it, but it takes a lot of effort.
Now with you, I don't think it's OCD (don't sweat it) I think it's part of HOW you show you care. BY worrying you feel it's because you care so deeply.
YOU need to let that go.
He on the other hand do not equal worrying/text bombing with CARE or LOVE. He might find it too much, too clingy, too needy. Hence, WHY he doesn't reply back right away. HE wants to SHOW you that you need to chill.
OR it could simply be that he never GOT the text. It happens. I got a "happy B-day text" about a week ago - it was sent in MAY ( the day before my birthday) didn't get it till August... So it happens.
PULL back with the texting. As auntie SVC here on DC would say : LET HIM row the relationship boat a bit. LET him make the effort to talk to you, to be around you, to see you, text etc.
About 8 years ago I fainted in the bathroom, feel down and broke my nose on the edge of the tub. In the middle of the night. I was fine till I saw the blood.... Anyhow, EVERY time my husband hears a thud when I'm in the bathroom he comes running to make sure I'm OK. It's bit much for me. I know he does it because he cares, but seriously... I fainted ONE time in 19 years.....
I'd advice that you also learn some relaxation methods. Not sleeping is never good.
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