A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:here is a list of my exes.. tell me what you think..(most recent first) just wanted a FWBex-girlfriend and mother of kid cheated on him and it left him an emotional mess. I met him only a few weeks after she had dumped him for her other man, but he pursued a relationship with me.man who had a secret girlfriend already.man who was very jealous, insecure and would not get a job when he was made redundant, preferring to live off his elderly mother's money.man who smoked weed every day and was also very untrustworthy with women.man who told me that his ex was causing trouble to try to win him back, and then he did end up going back to her.man who wanted FWB.man who preferred young girls.man who liked me a lot but was too much of a groperman who claimed to be a virgin, maybe he was, and told me that he had had a text relationship with a 13yr old girl who had text him as a wrong number (he was 23) this put me off because he seemed a bit weird anyway.my sons dad (12 years ago)he was OK and we still get on well now. before this there was a mixture of men, some of them players who had wives or girlfriends and some of them actually were OK but they were just not right for me. I feel as though since I have had a child I am seen as less of a worthwhile girlfriend material, oh almost forgot about the ex-husband who only wanted to drink and not work, that was when I was a lot younger and I married him far too quick and impulsively so I take responsibility for this one. more seriously though I have also had these men interested in me who I have not gone out with and they have gone on to commit these crimes: one is now in prison for rape, another is in prison for being a paedophile, and lastly one is in prison accused of murdering a woman and hiding her body in the boot of his car. these men are totally unrelated to each other and don't know each other (just in case any one thinks OMG where is she hanging round to meet men like that?!) so the question is: am I unlucky in love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes brown wolf you're right that I do learn very early that I am with yet another 'duff' one, but I stick with it and agonise over it for ages before finally leaving. I convince myself that I'm the one with the problem because I must be innately miserable or something! I hate the thought of being alone sometimes but I am going to really really try to not 'settle' for the wrong man in future. Of note, because reading some of the other posts, I saw one the other day that mentioned the sort of relationship a girl has with her dad will influence the adult she turns into, well I never knew mine, he died when I was a baby, maybe I need to look at this aspect. Thank you so much for your answer. It won't make me any luckier but might help me deal with things better :)
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (6 January 2011):
Well, I can see you have had your share, and why you think you are unlucky in love.
I can also see you have a very big and caring heart, good for you. :) I also feel that you had warning signs from these guys, but probably choose to ignore them, hoping that they will change for the better. So you stuck around and got more involve with someone who turned out to be a nightmare.
Maybe also, from all of your bad experiences, you have somehow sold yourself short. Thinking this is the best you can do, and you just have to keep with these losers until someone better comes along, or Mr. Right. Thing is…someone with a big heart like yours should only be settling for a guy with a similar heart, nothing less. Most guys you meet in a pub will never understand a woman like you. So, a change in location of hangouts maybe needed.:)
If you meet a guy, and he starts showing signs of something you do not like…leave. Do not tell yourself “Well he is really good looking and nice otherwise, so lets see where it goes.” Let the men step up to your values, you don’t step down to theirs so you can see where things go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor me, looks don't matter too much, I am definitely not shallow, there does need to be chemistry but I will still give men a chance if there is not initial chemistry, to see if it will develop. I want someone who is not married, or has a girlfriend and for there to be no ex on the scene who complicates things. money has never been something I have looked for in a relationship, I do insist on someone having a steady job though that they are willing to do to the best of their ability, without bunking off or moaning about it daily or having no respect for authority at work and in life. I basically just want what any other decent hard-working woman wants, but I feel that I am seen as somehow to blame for making the wrong choices or whatever. there is another one I hadn't mentioned, this man I went out when I was a lot younger, he tricked me into thinking he was great but then I got wise to him so finished with him, I found out later that he had been involved in an armed robbery at a post office but he had got away, his accomplice had got caught and was in prison, so there is another criminal. Also I was forced to have sex when I was 17. I cannot really accept that this was rape because he was someone that I had accepted a lift home from a pub from and I was kissing him in his car. Afterwards he started telling me his 'wife didn't understand' him. When I was younger than that I been set upon by 2 separate groups of boys and had clothing ripped off me, and at a party a group of boys from my school piled onto me and tried to sexually assault me. these things have happened as a very young teenager who hadn't even had a boyfriend or anything at that point so its not like I was known as an 'easy' girl to have some fun with. So in answer to your question brown wolf, basically just someone who doesn't behave like the afore mentioned towards me would be great. I have had lots of boyfriends and opportunities to get with men but I feel like a very high proportion of these have been married men, ones with girlfriends, losers, liars and general baddies, maybe I am just being paranoid now
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (4 January 2011):
That all sounds good :)Now...why don't you tell us what kind of man you want??? Don't tell us the perfect man :) He is dead :)
What do you want for you??? Forget the body. Because having a great body does not mean he is a good man.
What do you want from man? From the inside out??
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