A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm struggling with myself so much right now. I've been dating this guy for 3 years. We had ups and downs. Broke up once and got back. He used to care about me and like me only. He had a first love that he always seems to keep in his heart. She was his best friend, and she never intended to date best friend. So he never got with her. He's been treatign me very nice. Recently, I realize that I love him so much, and would so anything for him, to be with him. I felt that i was willign to sacarifice so much for him. Then there was this birthday party where he met her again. (They hang out once in a while but not often). Then he came back and the week after that he avoided me. Finally, he confessed that he thinks he still loves her. I was devastated. I never expected it because of the way he's been treating me. No one could predict that he would like someone else while he is still with me. But i love him so much and never wanna part from him. I asked him if this feeling is just a moment thing. I told him that i was willing forgive him if it's just a moment thing. I really want to wait for him to come back, to realize that his feeling for her is just a moment thing, but his feeling for me is one that is real. But he told me that he doesnt know when this feeling will stop even thou he knows that he can't give her happiness. I dont know what to do. I cant seem to let him go. I really want to wait for him. But is this stupid? Am I tryignt o hold on to a heart that doesnt belognt o me anymore? Is there any chance that he still loves me?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 September 2009):
 I think you should take a break and clear your head. Give him some space to miss you and maybe he will realize what he had and come back with his whole heart in his hand. But be clear with him and with yourself. Do not settle for half a heart or for a man who you have to worry that wanting to be with someone else. I think the fact that he said he doesn't know when he'll be over her is a clear indication that he can not be complete with you so yes, I think you are wasting your time. I didn't want to say that and I know it hurts but better to let go of something right now that is truly not yours. If it comes back, maybe it will be one day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Thank you for your advice. I do feel that sometimes people cannot let go of somethign that they can't have. He feels like he can never have her. Maybe that's why. He isnt sure of what he want. I really want to give him some time to think it over, but it's not worth it? Should i give him enough time, space and support that he will realize someday that he needs meMy heart aches so much whenever I recall that he doesnt want me to wait
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (8 September 2009):
My advice to you for this relationship and any one you have in the future. You deserve to have a man love you and desire you more than he desires anyone else. You want to be 'the one' for him. To me, this other woman is 'the one'. Sometimes it's just a case of wanting what we can't have and other times, he is just as stuck on this woman as you are on him. So, how you are feeling about him, do you really want your guy feeling that way about someone else and not you?
Maybe I'm jaded by my share of heartaches but looking back, I wasted too much time pining over someone who just wasn't worth it and who couldn't give me what I wanted...all of his heart. Find someone who can give you his whole heart.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (8 September 2009):
 If he wants to jeopardize a three year stint for something such as a crush, his brain isn't thinking. Seems like he admired her from afar for a long time though. Ask him, straight up, "Do you still want to be with me?"
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