A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm male, 28 and I could use some advice -- I'm sort of in an awkward situation. I'm beginning to suspect that my roommate is bisexual and may be following me around online.I'll have to be honest here: I've always been kind of androgynous looking and somewhat bi-curious. I'm Asian, relatively short, look a lot younger than my age. I've been mistaken for a girl on occasion, say, when the weather's cold and I'm bundled up in a gender-neutral clothing, for example. People think I'm "cute" -- both men and women.I experimented with homosexuality a bit in college (mainly just short encounters) but didn't really like it, and ended up falling in love with a girl toward the end of my stay which helped me figure out my orientation to some degree. Part of me still finds the activity somewhat alluring but at this point it's completely in the realm of fantasy and I can't really imagine doing it again, much less have a relationship with another guy. Well, the problem is that I usually take care of these impulses online and I think my roommate has found out and has been following me around on there for quite some time now. Part of it may be my fault for indulging myself and stringing people along even though I don't ever plan to meet or talk to them in real life, but at the same time I feel like I need that release on occasion.Anyway, my roommate is a nice enough guy and I have a pretty good living situation so I don't want to make things ugly or awkward if I can help it. Maybe it's time for me to stop? Should I wait until he might confront me about it? Not really sure what to do at this point so I could use some perspective or advice from anyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Original poster here:
He is a decent enough person and I like him as a friend (we do hang out a lot), but as said earlier I'm not really interested in getting into a relationship with a guy at any point in my life. (Safety is not an issue here, since I know him pretty well otherwise.) I do get my urges just like every other guy but through my relationship with my last girlfriend I was able to understand the difference between love and lust. I have no romantic feelings towards men and that seems pretty clear to me at this point.
But I'm single at this point -- been on a few dates with a few women but didn't get much of anywhere -- so as of now going on those sites is one way I get my fix. Somehow, though, he was able to track me because I traced one of his emails back to the ip address from our house. Guess I should probably lay off the sites for a while...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Are you two sharing a computer? If so, get your own, if not, how did he find out? Reguardless of anything else, if your "stringing people along" that may be something that you need to stop and re-think. Jumping on the internet for a quick sex fix is OK, but you need to be honset about it. If your roommate is in his room, on his PC, in the same chat room with his camera aimed at his crotch... yeah, you may have a problem...Fantasy is one thing, having someone near you trying to enguage you becuase they somehow found out about your private doings is on CREAPY...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Do you like him, as a person, as a potential partner? Make absolute sure that he is interested. You're dealing with persons feelings and emotions here. How does he react in various situations, do you feel safe with him. That said, does he know of your orientation. If so and you feel comfortable in talking to him then do so but in a direct way. IT WON'T BE EASY. Your safety comes first make absolute sure you really do know him, sadly I've seen these situations as "Set-ups". You may want to give this time and pull away from those sites that might give him any inclination, but by doing so, you are comfortable with who you are and it will be up to him to make the next move. PLEASE BE CAREFUL.
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