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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey everyone, I really hope you can help me with this odd problem I am having. I am a 25 year old virgin and have finally found someone with whom I feel comfortable enough to take it to the next level. So for a few nights we have been doing more than usual (normally he pleasures me by rubbing me over my panties and I pleasure him orally sorry if thats TMI) and my partner tried to insert a finger and it hurt...a LOT. It was relaly really painful despite the fact that we used lube, and we had lots of lovely foreplay. Each time he inserts a finger it hurts SO MUCH and the thought of anything bigger (like two fingers or worse, a penis) terrifies me. I always thought having sex would be easy. But its relaly painful and I do not know what to do. Am I too old for sex? What else can I use other than lube to make it comfortable?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): What you experience is natural. However, he seems to be rushing things and may not kno how to properly arouse you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone thank you so much for you advice. I know that I do not have a yeast infection so its not that and I don't have any other sort of disorder which could potentially affect this so thats out. My partner (bless him) does go down on me and we do kiss and play for ages which makes me very aroused. So everything is good there. Its only when he tries to finger me that I feel like Im being ripped apart. He does have quite big fingers but I assumed that an area designed to give birth to a small human being would be able to take a finger!I don't use tampons as I was always afraid of toxic shock syndrome so it never entered into it and also I never masturbated by doing anything penetrative so this was very shocking. Thanks to the readers who suggested talking during the act! I think i'll ask my partner to do that so it acts as a distraction.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Not gonna lie, it does hurt at first for most girls. The majority of girls in fact. But everyone gets over the pain eventually, because the more you do it, the quicker it goes away. Try introducting yourself gradually, one finger for a few times, then two, then sex. You could even use something on yourself when you have time (maybe the handle of a hairbrush or something?) It won't take too long for the pain to vanish completly. Make sure you relax. I found on my first time that my boyfriend talking to me helped a lot. And while he was penetrating it hurt but once he was inside and i relaxed more it was less painful. You will stretch after a couple of weeks.
Question to you: do you use tampons?
This is normal for most girls on their first time and is not related to your age =]
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): there is one chance that u have an infection, try consuting a doctor, or try a different lubricant, do a lot of foreplay.
there is nothing like too old for sex.
just make him tempt u very badly that u want to have sex
once u ve got used to it. u ll love it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Try to introduce more foreplay. Have him go down on you, touch and caress each other, etc. Another option would be to introduce some sex toys like vibrators- there are smaller options like finger vibrators, eggs, etc. He can try using the toy on your nipples, moving down to your clit. This will help so you have enough of your own lubrication and are wet down there. Saliva works as another option besides lubricants. The pain you are experiencing can also be from a yeast infection, so if it continues make an appointment with your doctor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): I was in this exact situation about six months ago, but my bf was very patient and understanding about it so hopefully yours is, too. What worked well for me was him just going very very slow. Whenever it hurt (which was often for the first few times) I would tell him to stop, but not to pull his finger out. The pain would eventually stop and I'd give him the okay to keep going. We didn't use lube, but that would be a good idea. The main thing I found is that you have to have good communication with your partner and lots of trust. Remember to take deep breaths when he's doing it and try to relax all muscles from the waist down. I used to be so scared that fingering and sex would hurt and I'd never want to do it, but try to push past it because, after the first few times, it gets so much better. :) Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): First of all, how big are his fingers? Just kidding.What works for me is dipping his fingers in cold water. It makes the inside vaginal layers really slippery. Plus the cold water is really stimulating. Although he has to take his finger out every once in a while it works. Showers also help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): it could be that your 25 and still havent lost you virginity yet once you do it should no longer be painful however i would see your gp first it could be a infection in your labias.
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