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female
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*uteypatudy2002
writes: me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, we plan on getting married when i graduate from college. we are in a long distance relationship and he plans on moving back in march. the phone is our way of communicating and i feel that we should talk to each other as much as we can but he never wants to tell me his feeling over the phone, he always suggests that we should talk about it when we see each other but we never do. I know he loves me he tells me constantly, but i feel like we should communicate more, am i totally crazy or does something need to be fixed?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005): You are entitled to a lot of contact with your boyfriend, especially if you plan on getting married! If he doesn't want to chat on the phone, there may be many reasons.
Is he very verbal when you're togther in person? Maybe he prefers to express himself differently, if so, consider using email, instant messaging, snail mail (you old romantic, you). Some people are self-conscious about talking "on the spot", so writing can feel safer, especially if he has little privacy at home or is self-conscious.
There may also just be a discrepancy between you two vis-a-vis how much he wants to talk and how much you want to hear. If that's the case, ultimately both of you will have to readjust your expectations slightly. That's a truism of EVERYTHING in relationships.
Finally, I hope you guys have spent a lot of time together IRL (in real life), because marriage should not be undertaken lightly - at least if you plan on living together. Make sure you can both handle the idea of sharing space before you tie the knot, i.e. try it beforehand.
Hope that helps.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (18 December 2005):
 No you are not crazy. that's the problem with long distance relationship u just feel u need reassurances all the time cos the person is not within arms length.U also want to maintain that connection u too have together.I have been in a long distance relationship myself so i understand how u feel.
The problem here is that u have to consider that this might not be feasible because of the expenses due to phone bills. You boyfriend is still in college and is not working. Maybe that is why he might want u to limit conversation on the phone. Is there no other ways for you guys to communicate like through the internet. u can call through u messenger these days.
Also u have to show ur support. if he is coming back in march i can deduce he is probably in final year and must have alot going for him in his school.
Dont worry yourself too much. You are probably just missing him occupy urself with activities this will prevent u for thinking and trying to reach out for the phone.if u do this u will see how time flies. March is just around the corner.
Take care and all the best.
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