A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am at a bit of a loss. I dated my now ex boyfriend for 2 years. He was my first real boyfriend, and I was, and still am, very much in love with him. We have been separated for more than a year. Problem is, he cheated on me a couple times during our relationship, for reasons he could never explain. I have dated several people since our relationship, but can't seem to get over my ex. During our relationship, I was young, and didn't have much of a backbone. I wasn't social at all, and worked a lot, so I preferred staying in to going out. I never caused a stink about anything, because I was so set on not upsetting my (ex) boyfriend that I did whatever I could to keep him happy. I would buy him cute things, and surprise him with things (like lunch) from time to time. Now, I am much more self-confident. I stand up for myself, enjoy social activities, and work less. I feel like if we did try to get back together, and things weren't going well, or he slipped up, I would be able to walk away, which I could never do before.If we were to try getting back together in the future, would our relationship be doomed? I know they say once a cheater always a cheater, but would counselling and maturity change anything?
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female
reader, Louise93  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 well i think most people cheat in life but your relationship would'nt be doomed as long as you have forgive him about the cheating and you can get past any thing that has happened in the past if yer both willing to give it another go i think you should go for it and if it does'nt work just walk away and move don't dwell on the past what ever happens
A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (12 September 2011):
 One should never get involved with someone when happiness in the relationship is dependent on them changing. If you think he needs to grow up or have counselling to stop cheating, then that is a HUGE, RED FLAG with the words "WALK AWAY" printed in bold across it.
You haven’t said that he has expressed regret or asked to get back together with you, so I will work under the assumption that he hasn’t done either.
You say you are stronger and more confident and that you could walk away if he goofed up again, but you haven't been able to walk away after the initial break-up.
If you were truly finished with your own personal growth, you would see that his behaviour hasn't earned him a second chance to be with you - that he made the terrible mistake of mistreating something good when he had it - and would be more concerned with having fun and enjoying your new-found self-confidence.
Good luck.
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