A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiJust wanted a bit of advice, well to see if I am to blame or not!! My b/f and I were together about 6/7 months. He had a bad temper, but thinnking back I don't know if it was my fault. When we first got together he told me he loved me near enough a few weeks into it, i was quite flattered to be honest.But then he would get a bit annoyed if I didn't say it back. He looked through my phone constantly and I never delete my messages, there were some on there from other guys ( a lot of them my mates ) but there were a couple that were texting me saying babe etc from ages ago (before together). The ones when I was with him I didn't reply to, but there was this one that I have been mates with that was a bit flirty (him, not me) so of course I apologised and delted these guys numbers.I have guy mates which i explained to him. He went mad and started kicking the bin and calling me a slag. I can see why he went mad as I wouldn't be happy if this was him. Then whenever we were out he would get moody if I didnt give him enough attention and storm of in moods and sulks. If I spoke to a guy mate I would be called a slag, even after introducing him to my mates as my boyfriend. He texts and calls all the time and I got to the stage where if i wasnt replying in good time he would get moody. I don't know if it was me, maybe I should of been a bit more caring and replied sooner. He got mad at me one night when I didn't want to have sex as I didnt feel great so he told me to go fuck myself and I don't do anything for him!Then we ended up arguing and he called me a few names, stormed out, phoned an ex to pick him up and went and slept with her. (saying it out loud now makes me feel stupid) After this argument we broke up for a few days but then got back together and he was real sheepish with his phone and kept switching it off, in the end I asked him what he was hiding and if he had nothing to hide to show me his phone (is this too pushy??) so on it were texts to some girl arranging to meet up, the day we broke up!! and the calls on there to his ex! he said I broke up with him so other girls are gonna be interested, i just thought it was a bit harsh to arrange to go on a date on the same day we break up. Am i over reactiong here?he always wanted to be with me and do stuff with me and it was so exciting, but if i wasn't with him or wanting to do something else or if he couldnt get hold of me he would get moody. He told me all the time how much he loved me, so was I the one being selfish and not showing it back enough? it just seemed he was only hppy when we were doing what he wanted to do but i dont know if i am over reating? he said relationships are give and take and i should calm him down when he is in a mood. I feel like I am going a bit crazy here and some unbiased advice would be great!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (11 May 2009):
The guy has many issues that are beyond your control and his in some cases. People who start with this behavouir usally end up hurting the ones they olve, his protective yet agressive nature is common but what it can progress to is not worth thinking about. You really need to leave this situation now, guys like this will not change see your already doubting yourself and questioning your motives, never adjust your lifestyle for a man, if you have guy mates then keep them he should trust you enough however trust issues are the minnor problem here. Hes shown no respect for you, your mates or your feelings start asking yourself why you let this happen and count yourself lucky youve seen him for what he is before it went too far, which from what youve said was not far off. You will go crazy if you stick with this life thinking it the norm. You were not being selfish at all, you gave what you had but got it thrown back in your face with his constant jealousy and spiteful words that no woman should take and no real man should give. Calm down when hes in a mood? hes giving the right advice to the wrong person, nobody should accept this sort of behavouir if hes in a mood or not what excuse is tht!? I really think you should walk away and leave this behind, i worry that you dont see this for how serious it can get and i genuinly mean it when i say leave. You can be there for him in the future when hes sorted his emotional problems out, the issues go deep and i think he may need professional help. But right now you need to find your life and start enjoying it whenever and with who ever you please, youve lost your independance and only you can gain that back, i really hope everything works out please post again if you need too. best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): No dont blame yourself EVER when someone has a temper, he is the one with the problem
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