A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not really sure where to start and no matter what i write i'm still going to sound like a bad person but trust me i'm not. Very long story short, me and this guy from school got back in touch via Facebook. We met up and after meeting up a few times we ended up sleeping together. That was the biggest mistake of my life because not only was it my first time but afterwards he treated me differently and only talked about sex when we spoke. I felt like crap but yet i really liked him. This "thing" (whatever it was) carried on for about 6 months or so.Then he got back with some ex girlfriend who he knew from uni and who lived near him (he lives miles away from me). Well, at first he said he just wanted to be friends because he was no longer single but then when we met up he tried to kiss me and touched me inappropriately. At the time i was so blinded by my feelings that i thought that meant he liked me (stupid) so i let him do it. The next time we ended up sleeping together behind his girlfriend's back and carried on up until about 2 months ago. He text me one night asking to meet up for a drink (i didn't reply) the next day i find out that he's moving in with her. I decided i couldn't do it anymore so i text him telling him to leave me alone. He asked if we could meet up and be friend but i said no. The next day he removed me from Facebook and haven't spoken since the middle of March. The first few weeks i was very upset but now that it's been over a month i feel slightly better but it's still hard sometimes. I hardly go on Facebook now because i don't want to see anything that will upset me etc I'm more disappointed with myself more than anything because i was told what he was like and i never thought i'd be so stupid. I still feel angry that he's gotten away with it.Sometimes I feel like it happened because I wasn't good enough. I mean, I've seen pictures of her and she's not a supermodel or anything, she's just a normal looking girl like me but she's blonde and her family is well off (unlike me).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 You made a mistake, everybody does, am sorry that you lost your virginity to a loser, but please stop feeling that it was your fault. He knew what buttons to press, he made you feel special to get his own way and then all he wanted was sex. Just because he never got in to a relationship with you does not mean that this girl is better than you, in fact she is probably worse off because he has been cheating on her with you and who knows there could be more girls. She has the worse end of the deal because she is clueless as to what he is really like. All he is interested in his himself and doesn't care who he hurts.
Yes you made a few bad choices, but you have finally saw that you deserve better than this. You have broke of contact with him now which is great keep it that way, if he tries tell him no you can never be friends. Yes you might be hurt by what you see on the internet. Just block him from your page so you do not have to see what he is up to with her. It will only hurt you, you need to give yourself time to heal and then pick yourself back up and go out and find a guy who is decent and shows you respect.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 Sorry your first time was with a jerk. It happens, alas, you can't undo it. You are resisting the reality if you keep regretting it, though, and that resistance inside you is keeping the pain alive a lot longer.
You need to relax, breathe, acknowledge and accept that you were human and made a mistake. You were hoping for a different outcome, no doubt, but there it is.
Now, right this minute, this moment in time that you read this, are you cheating with a guy? No. Are you involved in a FWB that is hurting you? No. Are you ill or injured? No. So right this moment in time, you do not have a problem. You are well, presumably young and healthy? Yes? You are breathing? Good, good. Do you have a knot in your stomach? Probably. Ah, try breathing some more. I want you to take 5 deep breaths, taking in all that lovely oxygen, expanding your belly as you inhale. Feel the air coming in, nourishing you with energy and life. Exhale, flattening your belly button toward your spine, exhale all the stale air and feel the bad energy leave your body.
Curl the corners of your mouth up, just a little. Sit and feel the change the conscious breathing may have brought you. Breathe normally for a bit. Just sit and be with yourself.
There.
Now, every time you start to fret about this guy and this girl, I want you to practice the breathing exercise. Five deep and complete breaths, followed by a few regular breaths while you simply be with yourself and the effects of the deep breathing. Don't forget to curl up the corners of your mouth, that has an effect too.
Do this for a week and get back to us on how that may have changed your perception of the problem you are facing.
Okay?
Good luck, be well.
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