A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I paid for concert tickets for my b/f and me to see a band we like. On the night of the event, I showered, did my hair and make-up, picked out a sexy top and wore my best skinny jeans. My b/f rolled out of bed after a nap, and put on whatever happened to be lying on the floor, which was the same faded pair of jeans he'd worn to work for the past 3 days, with some stains on the legs, and a faded black work shirt. I casually mentioned that he might change into his better jeans but he refused. I was so hurt that he didn't bother to shower, or wear cologne or put on a fresh shirt, but when I tried to tell him we just got into a fight. The thing is, we live in a small town, and unfortunately, I know two of the women he was involved with years before me because we'd see each other in the same social circles and I can tell you, he always dressed up and looked nice for them. I feel like I'm just not important to him like that, but he says that's not it. And it doesn't stop there. Anytime I try to share a childhood memory he changes the subject or tells me he's not interested in hearing about it. Yet he expects me to listen earnestly while he waxes on about his favorite memories and tells all his stories. We had a huge fight today because I told him I'd tired of being treated like a friend with benefits. He says he loves me but his actions tell a different story. It's like he's trying to keep himself from becoming emotionally tied to me by not being affectionate with me, not remembering my birthday for 2 years, never wanting to share in special memories with me, and never bothering to give a shit about his appearance. The problem is, I'm so in love with him I want to make this work. Am I being unreasonable? Do I expect too much?.....
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male
reader, ShouldKnowBetter +, writes (23 March 2008):
Ok, didnt notice your age initially, what sort of concert was it?
To be honest the not getting dressed up for a gig (assuming rock/ pop type band rather than opera/ classical music etc) would not have been the greatest concern. If I am going to a rock concert I'm not going to wear my best clothes as they will be getting filthy and a moderate chance of being ripped etc.
As to him making an effort with others and not with you, I think there is one element of "the grass is always greener" and secondly, though you dont say how long you have been dating, it can be that he simply is comfortable now and unfortunately partners comfortable in a relationship dont make the effort that just started dating ones do.
After offering logic for his behaviours of forgetting b'days and more so, not wanting to hear your stories are more concerning to me. It may well be that he is not being anything more than himself and that he is just a self centred person rather than this being something aimed at you but either way, do you really want to remain like this?
A
male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 You have a definite problem with this guy and I believe you need to resolve it or move on. Every relationship is about respect and depends on mutual respect. For him to forget your birthday and not have the decency to listen to you regardless of the type of story is simply unconscionable. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this you need therapy. You bought the concert tickets and he couldn’t even clean up and show some compassion and appreciation. You sound like a nice person and you deserve to be respected and appreciated and it really doesn’t look like he will give it to you. You say you want to make the relationship work but the fact is it takes two and right now it doesn’t seem like you have a willing participant. You are not expecting too much, actually you have put up with a lot more than many other women would.
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A
male
reader, nicklegames +, writes (23 March 2008):
I am sorry to say this but I believe that this guy is just using you while he looks for someone better. I know with my relationship I spend all my free time with my girl. i love to hear stories about her past and her favorite memories. If we have a special date planned I make sure that I get cleaned up before hand. I sure don't just throw whatever I have around on. And to answer your question you are not being unreasonable or expecting to much. This guy just doesn't care. I know it will hurt but you really should consider getting rid of him. You are being used and you do not need that. Hope everything works out for you. Wish you the best of luck.
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