A
female
age
41-50,
*1llybabes
writes:Ok, so I know this is a little long and I suppose Im looking for opinions rather than answers. My boyfriend and I met on the internet and have fallen in love very quickly, however he is a very busy man, works many hours, evening and weekends etc. He also lives about 1.5hrs away from me. He lives with his Dad and I with a house mate so when we see each other we tend to stay in hotels so we can have real quality time together. He always says I text too much and Im always soppy. I suppose its because he is so far away its my way of reaching out to touch him. We had an issue where we were talking late at night which caused him a problem. He needs his sleep or he is grumpy. So we agreed to talk after work or earlier which so far has been great. Now he says I spend too long on the phone and should be aware of how long we have been talking. He says he never wants me to go and always wants me around if he could but he has stuff to get on with and I take up all of his free time. Its like I am cramming in everything into one conversation as if its the last time im gonna talk to him. I think I may be rushing things a little. Am I smothering him too much with my words of love? How long is good to spend on the phone and how often should I be soppy? He told me today that he sees himself with me for a while so we have all the time in the world to talk. Should I be offended that he doesnt want to spend all his time talking to me? Im not really sure what the right balance should be. Another thing is that I recorded him a song and mailed it too him for his birthday its two weeks now and he still hasnt listened to it. He says he hasnt had the time as he has been busy or talking to me and wants to give it all his attention. If it was me it would be the first thing I did in the morning if I knew he had sent it to me. Please tell me if you think i am being too needy. I would love to see my faults and make them right
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2011):
 you sound a lot like my bf and me...
I'm the wanna text email and talk all day partner... he's the give me space partner...
I have learned that him not talking to me all day is not the same as him not thinking about me... Once I felt more secure with my position with him I stopped trying to be up his butt all day.
A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (5 July 2011):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe answers you guys have given have helped me no end. Thank you soooo much.
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A
female
reader, g1llybabes +, writes (24 June 2011):
g1llybabes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. I know I am rushing things and need to calm down. Yesterday we spoke briefly in our lunch break and then i didnt text at all. And at 7.30pm he text me with something random. We also spoke at 9pm and I finished the conversation (taking the advice and being aware) he said Oh ok then. I miss you. Text me when you go to sleep.
I think I just need to calm down a little and understand that he is in it for a while too.
I need to just enjoy the experiance instead of trying to rush
Thank you everyone
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 June 2011):
 i am not sure if you are TOO needy but you are definitely needier than he is. we don't know how much time you spend talking to him and there is no standard amount of time that you people SHOULD spend on the phone but the fact is this - it is too much for him and he is telling you so but you don't seem to be listening.
you need to give him more space coz he is not happy with the way things are going. let him chase you a bit more. if he chooses not to bother then you will know for definite how he feels and although that will hurt, it is better to find out sooner rather than later
x
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 June 2011):
 You already got an opinion from the person you need to listen to!
REREAD YOUR OWN WORDS
"He always says I text too much and Im always soppy."
"Now he says I spend too long on the phone and should be aware of how long we have been talking. "
He needs to be responsible for himself and you need to be considerate. He should be setting his own bedtime. You are not responsible for that. You are not his Mommy.
If he goes to bed too late, then he needs to say. "Honey, I really need to head off to sleep now, gnite!"
(My ex bf always called too late and I told him that I HAD to go to sleep by 11pm or I can not function for work. He would call at 10:45pm and want an extra long talk. I would stick to my guns. I HAD to get a decent night sleep. He learned to call early, but I had to still be the one to say gnite first.)
""He says he never wants me to go and always wants me around if he could but he has stuff to get on with and I take up all of his free time. Its like I am cramming in everything into one conversation as if its the last time im gonna talk to him. "
He is sending you mixed signals here. He tells you he always wants you around, but also that you are around too much. Soooooo, what is just enough?
NO you should not be offended the does not want to spend all hit free time with you. He should be able to make you a priority AFTER his job or other prior commitments. He should also have a balanced social life with family, friends, hobbies, etc. You do not need to be part of every little bit of his life if you are just DATING.
"Another thing is that I recorded him a song and mailed it too him for his birthday its two weeks now and he still hasnt listened to it. "
That is just plain rude in my opinion. It was a gift. If ANYONE gives you a gift, you respond to it. Plain and simple.
You may not be too needy because he is sending you so many mixed signs. How long have you been seeing him? Does he call you his girlfriend?
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