A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllBit of a strange one this! I met a guy online about 3 months ago, and we met up in town for lunch, we spent the afternoon in town, then he text me that night, said he had a good time etc. I called him and arranged the next date, we met at night and went for some dinner, and went to the cinema and a few pubs. We had a lovely night and at the end of it he dropped me at my hotel, and we kissed in the car for about half an hour. I then went into my hotel (alone). After that the texts from him got fewer, so I told him that i got the feeling he didnt want to see me again,and that was fine but I jsut wanted to know where i stood. He said he really enjoyed our dates and liked me, but he had trust issues.(this being due to two previous long term partners cheating) I thought this was clearly just a brush off but I took him at face value, didnt make a deal of it,~(even though I was a bit gutted cos I liked him) and just said it was cool,and we decided to stay friends.I have spoken to him a few times since then, and last time I spoke i asked if he fancied meeting up again. He said yes and suggested I come down to his house and stay over. I said yes, as I would like to see him again,but I am unsure what his intentions are. Dont get me wrong, I am not niave, and I am sure he is thinking about sex, but I am just confused due to us parting ways a few months before and staying friends. Our talk was a little flirty, a bit of banter and when I mentioned the previous date and how I didnt ask him into my hotel he said he was disappointed and we kind of laughed about it. Anyway, he is always lovely when I talk to him, hes really nice and we get on well, but I am trying not to be niave and silly. Does he actually like me, or maybe just want me for casual sex, almost a friends with benefits type of situation. Obviously he is the only one who can answer that, but your opinions would be much appreciated. I think I am into him more than he is me. I dont want to set myself up for a fall.Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies, they were helpful and did open my eyes quite a bit. Think i really need to take this as him looking for a friends with benefits type of situation, and only do it if I can handle this, which I am not sure if I can. So Thanks!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Why Men Marry Bitches" by Sherry Agov. Funny book, but a practical guide to dating and handling men....
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A
female
reader, koojoe +, writes (25 June 2010):
hello,i can only speak from my own experience of meeting a guy myself via online dating. we dated for around 4 months and the last two months i have spent trying to put some distance between us.i wish i had a sensible head as you do! i spoke on the phone every day to my guy for three weeks before we met. my second date was a invite to my date's home for dinner and i was expected to stay over because of the distance. but we talked about it and agreed over the phone, 'just cuddles'. well, passion and the moment took over and you can guess the rest.anyway, reading your words, the bit that stood out - the 'red flag' if you like is that he is has told you he has trust issues. you need to be upfront and ask him if those trust issues mean he is not interested in exploring a long term, exclusive relationship with you. he may just be looking for casual dating whilst he deals with his issues.what i learnt from my experience is that i knew all along that i was looking for a serious relationship, and why i am pretty confident the guy liked me, when the time came to make a bit more of a commitment, he started distancing himself. we talked about it and he admitted to being scared of his feelings for me as well as having other priorities right now (kids, just through divorce, work) and didn't want to take crap into a relationship with me.my choice then was to leave him be and go my own way until/if he felt differently. he didn;t want me out of life and has tried to remain in contact but i can't do it because i fell for the guy but at the wrong time.conversely, every situation is different and every person is different. if i could go back and have those early days with my guy again, i would have been more patient. i would have been a friend. i would not have had sex with him until we were both firmly into one another without fear of looking to a future together. communication could have been so much better between us.please protect yourself if you can. please don't fall forv this man until you really know what you are dealing with and know more about his past and experiences. always bear in mind that you can not fix these trust issues - he has to. they are his insecurities.good luck and go with your instincts.
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