A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I will get right to it. I'm 17, female, a lesbian, and in my senior year of school. Lately I've been having feelings for a teacher at my school (also a female). Firstly, let me just clarify that I've never been in a proper relationship, only a couple of emotional "encounters" with girls and both ended badly. So about this teacher- the confusing part is, I don't even know the nature of my feelings for her! I started staying back for extra classes, so since then it's only been me and a few other people in her room, so we get a lot of individual attention. And as my interactions with her have become increasingly frequent, I can't help but question the way I see her. She's had a rough past, and so have I, and so once when we started talking, I just felt like we sort of connected. Whenever she speaks to me, she looks very deeply into my eyes, but maybe that's just me looking to hers :P I should probably say, I really do think she's a lesbian as well. Apart from physically resembling a stereotype, I get a very strong gay vibe from her, and I did even before she taught me and I started liking her. The thing is, sometimes I ask myself whether I like her because she seems to such an amazing parental figure (I have a rocky relationship with my father and a very distant one with my mother, with whom I live) or because, as a lesbian, I'm just simply attracted to her. I had this amazing dream about her a few nights back- a romantic one, not an erotic one- and woke up feeling so happy! At the same time, she as a person is so exceedingly gentle, something I've always craved in my parents, because of the violence I grew up with. I know that it's wrong on so many levels, because she's my teacher and twice my age, and even if she is a lesbian then I'm not much better off because of the whole student- teacher dynamic thing, but I don't know what to feel! It may be a premature statement, but I feel like I love her. Every time I speak to her I can barely notice anything else. I know she likes me as her student too, but I don't know if she's even thought of me that way! She does show preferential treatment to me sometimes, and always smiles at me whenever we see each other. I've already hinted very strongly to her that I'm a lesbian by mentioning my former crush on a particular girl, and she took it very well, smiling a lot and asking me who it was. I really need help, because falling in love with a teacher is something I'm not looking forward to! What with unconventionality of it, I might as well be setting myself up for heartbreak yet again. : (
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male
reader, PapaSmurf4429  +, writes (6 October 2011):
Take this possible relationship one step at a time. Though it's hard to control your emotional and physical needs at this time, keep your relationship on a talking and smiling basis while you're still in school. Her gaze into your eyes and her smile will have to suffice until that teacher-student status officially ends upon your graduation. Then you can pursue that relationship as two adults together. Good luck and pleasant dreams! ;)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 October 2011):
 Lesbian/gay/straight, it doesn't really matter what your orientation is, nor what hers is.
What matters here is that she is a teacher and you are a student. You may not be able to help your feelings but it sounds like you are setting yourself up to be hurt again and again. Perhaps you have subconscious feelings of inferiority or low self-worth and thus engineer situations for yourself that end up with you in tears, thus validating your brutal evaluation of yourself.
I'd say focus on WHY you keep going for people or situations where you KNOW you are going to be hurt? Why ask for the emotional trauma when you are cognizant of the problems, even before you get into it?
She is a teacher, she cannot be your lover or confidante or friend in the way you wish for her to be. This is the reality of the situation.
We have had soooo many questions on this topic on the site, just type in "I'm in love with my teacher" into the search box here: http://www.dearcupid.org/search and have a read.
Pushing a relationship like this on your teacher seems to end badly for the student and could result in the end of this teacher's career.
I put it to you, what is more important, your teacher's career or your actually rather conventional crush on her? Your feelings or her livelihood? Sorry to be so crude about it, but I choose her career over your fantasy life.
I think the thing to do is to focus on why you find yourself so obsessed with her, rather than on the obsession itself. That is probably the better path to a healthier self-esteem and a brighter happier future for your future relationships.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 October 2011):
 I'm sorry hon but TEACHERS and STUDENTS are off limits to each other for relationships.
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