A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I have dated many men (especially in my 20's) but now in my 30's I am a bit more picky. My must is the guy has to be taller than me, less than 300 lbs, have a stable job, wants kids and finished a degree....any degree (I just need to know he made a commitment, stuck with it and finished it....hence the degree in lieu of that he can have a successful business) but my friend told me I needed to reduce my standards because everyone in the bar was ok, but I didn't know them from anything. But then this 500lb man started chatting me up and as nice as he was we can be friends but I am not going to date him. I am not gisele bundchen. I have a figure of Christina Hendricks and my face looks a bit like Rachel weiz.so I do have flaws, but I own my own place, I have my Masters degree, have an amazing family, so please tell me ....am I setting my sights too high! Thanks in advance! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Orbiter  +, writes (14 September 2011):
Well if that's the height and weight you genuinely find attractive in a man then that's definitely not setting your sights too high, a relationship won't last unless there is attraction. If it's because you're worried what other people would think if you dated a shorter/fatter man and avoid men you like because of that....that's different.
A stable job and kids is also not too much to expect, in fact that's pretty much standard in most relationships - you should share the same motives and goals in life.
The degree or successful business bit is the only thing that's a bit picky, for example a guy I know just couldn't afford uni but that doesn't mean he's loose and not committed to anything he does. Also the majority of men don't own successful businesses and if they do their standards are likely to be higher than normal.
Overall, no I wouldn't say you're setting your sights too high but obviously the more picky you are, the longer it will take to find someone. Most people think you must be unhappy alone, so want you to find someone sooner rather than later which could be why your friend mentioned it and in your 30s you will probably end up settling down late. Ultimately if it's what will make you happy, then wait for the right person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): You might need to be a bit flexible. Someone can be extremely successful without a degree etc. But you fancy who you fancy, so no point dating people you find unattractive. A wish list is something most women have in their head, but it might need a bit of bending. Don't forget, plenty of women let Mr Nearly Right go time after time and then reached 40 with no ring on their finger and no children.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): Let me put it this way. Think if you were shopping for apartments.
If you had spent 10 years choosing apartments purely on appearance and the price didn't matter, then you would have gotten used to having some pretty gorgeous apartments. But once you start looking for the "total package" (nice looking AND affordable) you are going to find yourself disappointed in the appearances of what you can actually afford.
The problem is not really any shortage of good affordable apartments. (Just like there is really no shortage of "good men" despite a lot of claims from women.) The problem is you have raised your attractiveness standards out of your own range by spending 10 years shopping with only half the criteria necessary for a sustainable thing.
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