A
male
age
36-40,
*agleslifer
writes:Am I going to be broken up with? My girlfriend and I are both 19 years old we've been dating for a almost 2 years and we're each others first love. Only problem - I've had to be in Europe for nearly 6 weeks. Since I've been gone she seems to have changed a lot. She hasn't been supportive of me in emails or when we talk on the phone anymore, it's frustrating as she seems to get upset and angry at me a lot now, and it really seems to be for no reason. I'd always know why she was angry before but now I can't figure it out. An example, I telling her our relationship was going to work out when she got scared about us going to different universities, and then she got angry at me. Does she want me to say we will break up? I'm lost right now as I don't know what's going on anymore, she doesn't ask how I'm doing and I spend most of my time comforting her for her problems and it seems like it all goes unnoticed. Am I right with my assumption that she doesn't love me anymore and I'm bound to be broken up with? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Thanks a lot! This is "Eagleslifer" again i cant find my password right now so thanks a lot. I went to europe with family by the way. When I came back she admitted she didnt love me as much as she did before i left, but she was sure it would be there again in due time. So we hung out a lot and things got better and shes admitted to me now she loves me as much as she did before. Sounds good so far:). Downside to the story and if there is anybody who reads this later it would be a huge help but, Unversity started yesterday and im being as supportive as possible because i want her to be happy so i helped her move out and everything. The only problem is, i feel like a complete joke and a bit like im just there now. Even while she was still living at home she expected me to drive to her house almost daily and i would do anything to get us back to where we were before so of course i did. I spent even more money, drove a lot more etc. To a certain extent i almost feel used and underappreciated right now. She also wanted a secret penpal relationship with one of my friends who also moved away. I wouldnt have had a problem with it had she not wanted to keep it a secret(my friend told me thats how i know about it). Since she has moved out the longest we've talked on the phone is sometime under a minute before she said shes busy or something like that. She told me twice today shed call me right back but hasnt. So i guess some fears are surfacing again thanks
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 I think you need to have a talk about how you are both feeling, you are away from her and maybe she is feeling the same way as you are, so she is distancing herself abit so she does not get hurt.
It must be very difficult having a long distance relationship, something i know i could never do and it will effect everyone differently.
Try not to jump to conclusions and talk to her, thats the only way you are going to find out how she is feeling.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 It's hard to say whether you'll be broken up with, but, it's possible. The signs do seem to be there. If she wants you to say you will break up, she will wait until you say so. A woman whose opinions I respect so much told me that girls don't usually like to tell a man that it's over. So, in this kind of situations, I think a man can do but one thing: Listen carefully to what she says, but pay attention, above all, to what she does. Wait and see what she does if you don't call her: that will tell you for sure.
You say you can't figure out what is going on, and I believe you; it means that the communication isn't working. Why isn't it working the way it used to?
You don't give the reason why you're in Europe, but, apparently you're going back to Canada soon, as you talk about university. So I think saying she's angry over your travel would be an exaggeration.
Whatever happens, don't get desperate. This isn't something you can't control, and, it doesn't really pay off to bang your head against a wall. If it's over, the more you resist to let go, the worse it will be for you two.
But, don't assume it's over just yet. Maybe she's having a bad time?
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): You have been away for 6 weeks and she probably missed you while you were gone; so much she was miserable. Will you have to leave again? Is she dreading you leaving again?
Many years ago, the same thing happened with me. I went out of state on a trip, met a young man, found out he lived 60 miles from my home town and from then on out it was great..........until he went into the army. As I loved him, it was so painful when he came home because all I could think about was how sad and miserable I was when he was away. I was proud of him and wanted him to pursue his dream; but I was young and I was selfish. He missed me and he loved me, but at the age we were, long distance was not working out.
Another aspect is that as you grow older, you will change, and she will too. You will react differently to things when you are 30 and 40 and so on, and see things in a different perspective than you do now. She will too.
Her actions don't necessarily mean she will break up with you, but she may.
I hear my students at the college where I teach talk about situations similar to yours. I believe if you are open and honest with her then she will open up to you. You may even try having her read the message you posted so she can understand how you feel.
Relationships change: They can become better by working through problems in an honest and open way. Show her the message. She is the person who needs to read it.
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