A
male
age
30-35,
*ctiveplay
writes:I visited my mother for Thanks Giving. She is 40 years old, still lives with her mother (my birth grandfather and step grandmother raised me). She lives the way she does, mainly because she has an addiction. She is dating a woman that is only 4.5 years to the day older than me (I am 21), that she met in jail. This girl has given her Hepatitis C, and is such a drama machine! She controls my mother nearly 100%.When I arrived, my mother's girlfriend, whom I will refer to as Molly, was on the computer and I could tell she was in a raw mood. Mom and I grabbed a plate to eat, and headed off to her bedroom, so we could just spend a little time together as mother and son. Molly is very jealous of me, so of course, she had to interrupt as many times as possible, which I just shrug off, and don't place much thought in to. Mom and I played a couple games of Acey Ducey, and then got up and invited Molly, and my aunt to play spades with us. They agreed, and we started playing. From the get go , Molly started being as rude as possible to me, which insulted me because my mother didn't defend me in the slightest. My mother and I were on teams, and I simply thought that Molly added something wrong, so I looked at the sheet and counted for a second. Molly came unglued at me for nothing. I realized I was wrong, and apologized to her, and told her I was wrong. That was when she said to me, in the most smart alec tone possible, "I was right you little a**hole". I said sorry again, and then she said, "I won't play another hand with you!". So I laid the cards down, and said "I refuse to be treated this way in my own family's home.". She tried to turn it around on me, and then begged me to end the game. I said no, and walked to my grandmothers room, told her goodbye, and explained what was going on. She understood, because nobody likes Molly in the first place, and Molly is very aware of that. My family has even had Molly arrested a few times.As I walked out, I told my aunt I loved her, and my mother that I loved her, and simply said "Bye" to Molly. She said something very smart to me, and I just looked at my mother and said, "Are you seriously going to let her speak to me that way?". Where as my mother replied "What should I do about it?". I said, that's fine, I'll not be back. Molly screamed, "Well see ya then!" I left.I feel guilty about my decision to not see her until she is rid of Molly. The fact remains, she didn't want me when I was born, and had minimal to do with me until I was 16, could drive, and had a job. Only then, she bummed money off of me, and rides. She has tried to get me to do drugs, and I simply refuse to do so. Am I in the right?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2013):
 It's very hard to play the "am I right" card with family.
And sometimes even being RIGHT is wrong if it keeps you estranged from people. My husband is estranged from his mom for many years.. they never speak and we are together 3 years and I've never met her.
I'm glad you were at least TRYING to be with your mom. BUT you do not deserve the bad treatment by your MOTHER or Molly. And your mother disrespected you by not defending you. I'm sorry she's a lousy mom. I'm glad for you that your grandparents are there to pick up the slack.
Molly sounds like a nightmare and sadly it sounds like grandma and grandpa are tolerating her as a way to keep tabs on your mom. I think they know if they refuse to allow Molly in their home, they will lose contact with your mom who is probably emotionally, mentally and maybe even physically fragile.
As parents we NEVER don't worry about our kids. I'm 53 my dad is 79 and he always worries about me to this day and helps me and looks out for me.
As for you, it's PERFECTLY fine to say to your mother.. I will happily see you when you are not with Molly but I no longer will tolerate her abuse. You can even take her out alone for lunch or something. Same with grandma and grandpa you can see them when mom and molly are not around.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 November 2013):
 I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I would NOT visit your mom when "molly" is around either. She is a sick and toxic person and unfortunately your mom either doesn't care or doesn't know what to do about it.
Right now, maybe all your life, you mom has had nothing to offer you. I mean in terms of love and support. So for you to NOT wanting to be around her IT IS OK.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): My mum married a guy my brother's age - so to me age and gender don't mean a thing as long as my mum is happy. However abandonment, user, ex-con, drugs and a partner like molly being disrespectful with no warning to put her back in her place ..... well, i would say you are best saying away until your mum actually grows up never mind gets rid of molly. All just adding extra stress to you and it sounds like your mum could drag you down. I think if your mum wishes to see you then you could request she does it on her own in a place of your choosing (somewhere you feel safe), that way she starts to learn if she wants to know she you have certain expectations on how she behaves. If she offers drugs again, leave, Wants a ride or money, say no. You basically have to be a bit of a tight git with her because i don't think she'll respect you as it sounds like your mainly around for what she can get from you. Nice she wants a relationship but come on, you don't owe her a thing. Might have to make her work to be in your life or cut her loose foever. Sorry mate x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): Wow that sucks. Yea it was wrong of u to hurt them. My advice is visit them maybe get a hotel room for two days and invite your mom and grandma plus aunt over leaving behind the girlfriend. Make sure you drive as you have control over who gets in your car. Just go by pick up your mom and relatives and drive off. You don't have to visit frequently just know when you do visit have some things planned that you guys can do or just invite them to your hotel room. Inconvenient yes but worth it absolutely. Let not this stranger who may go gone in 5 years destroy what your trying to build with your mom. Best wishes.
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