A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 14 months and i have been looking at buying a business together for several months now. We've been looking at cafe's to run together.We've both been scouring the businesses for sale ads and i found a little lock up shop in a terrific location the other day, sent my bf the details to look at and while i was at work today, he went to have a look at it. He's also taken steps to check a few things out with the local council with a view to take on this property and turn it into a take away.He came round tonight and we discussed its size, and i asked if it was big enough for two to run and he has said he didnt think so.In short, he's thinking of buying this for himself to run alone, or with part time help.I feel a bit shocked and left out in the cold with being dropped from his plans, after we've spent all summer talking about opening a coffee shop together and looking so hard for premises together.Should i accept this? or am i right to feel upset about this?How should i deal with this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): thanks for all the responses.. you all speak a lot of sense about finding out about his character now rather than later.. sageoldguy.. you've hit the nail on the head!I love him very much for some strange reason, but clearly he's a selfish kind who doesnt keep his word! I have more cash than him but we were going in 50/50 with loans etc. the beauty of the shop i found is that its in a prime location of his choice, but with a very low set up and running cost. I've mentioned tonight how i feel and he hasn't taken it on board at all, in fact he became defensive when i mentioned how used i felt, it seems to be causing a bit of an argument.. the first we've had. I have a feeling our days as a couple are numbered and he will be proceeding with the shop alone.I'm not going to fight him for it, i'll find my own way happily knowing that i saw the relationship through to the end and saw him for what he is.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 If the two of you were discussing investing together and running a business together, then yes you have a right to be upset. You have been putting in the work to find suitable properties and now he is speaking like HE will be the only one running it?
You could talk to him about why he changed his mind, but I would be FIRST talking about if he expected you to financially invest in something you do not have any participation in making decisions.
If the two of you were talking about HIM buying a business for the two of you to run together, then you have a different situation.
Either way, it is time for a sit down talk to clarify what the expectations are regarding money and time.
If he just had this attitude about HIS plans and you were being the sweet gf to help him find the suitable place, then you now have a clear picture of his charachter. Wish him well in his new biz and find a new bf if that is the case!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): You have every right to be upset by this, if you can afford it then YOU buy the premises yourself, get a loan etc if you have to, after all you found it,go it alone.
What a let down he is, thank your lucky stars you discovered his downside now before you got financially entangled
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Yes, if the whole idea was of running a business TOGETHER, and not just of you helping him find a business for himself, he should just have said " too bad, this is too small for the two of us. Let's look somewhere else. "
You two need to have a serious talk .
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 WHOA, Nellie!!!!!!
Listen closely to all the bells, whistles and klagons that are now producing a cacaphony for you!!!!!
Then, count your blessings that you learned about this guy before you signed any obligations....
Then, spend just a few minutes thinking that 14 months (the duration of your relationshiip) isn't too much time to spend to learn that this guy is a sneaking rat... and you're better off without him...
Good luck in YOUR search for YOUR business.... It's always tough to make a BUSINESS decision with a person that you've slept with...
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