A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do you guys think im over reacting an should just forget it or do I have cause for concern?My boyfriend of 6 months is very loving but a few things are really worrying me.1- he hsa no problem with looking at my phone but snatches his off me if I so much as pick it up to move it.2 - faces away from me when he reads messages so I cant see them3- takes his phone eveywhere with him to the toilet4- is listed on a dating website we met on RSVP and his profile is still up even though he hasn't looked at it since the start of august. i deleted mine months ago and he knows this5- his relationship status says single on facebookis it just me or should I be worried?I also told him 3 months ago that I love him and he is yet to say it to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): No dont be worried just dump him!!! Mobiles are great at times but are the biggest breaker of relationships than anything else. He is getting txt messages and calls from silly girls from the dating site.To be sure, when he falls a sleep in a relaxed way, pinch the phone and have a look. Bet you will find out that there are messages from some silly girl that believes he is single.
Good Luck,find a guy that adores you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 First the phone business. If you can't see his, he can't see yours. That is only fair. Games likes that is lame but if he wants to play, he needs to play fair.
Taking his phone to the bathroom is just.. bizarre.. Why not just turn it off and lock it when he has to go? Suspicious and goes with the keeping his options open.
My thing though. I don't let my husband go thru my phone or e-mail account. However if he has when I'm not around, I don't really care, I have nothing to hide. YET I haven't snooped myself. I would NEVER have snooped while we dated. A phone/e-mail is a private thing. He shouldn't snoop in yours, specially when he refuses you to snoop in his.
He doesn't trust you 100% yet. Which might be due to some insecurities he has, nothing to do with you.
The dating site and Facebook. Well, he is keeping his options open. Which means he is not 100% committed to you .. yet. Sorry.
The I love you part.. Well you have put your feeling out there 3 months ago and he haven't returned the "favor" either he's unsure of he feeling and don't want to say it til he feel it. Or he doesn't think about it. Let him say it on his own time.
Your relationship is still new. You are both still building trust, history and emotions. I guess it's up to you as far as what you expect from him, however you need to be able to communicate it to him, No man can read minds.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (20 February 2009):
 1- he hsa no problem with looking at my phone but snatches his off me if I so much as pick it up to move it.
A) Well if he's just playing games then no this: Games are now known to cause a hole waist of time, so my simple answer is to him he should just get to the point and be a boyfriend.
B) Or he could be cheating or flirting with other girls behind your back. My answer to that is if you feel that what he is, and he cannot simply give you the "peace of mind" as well as provide you with a level of commitment then he is most likley flirting with someone else. you just gotta figure out which one it is.
2 - faces away from me when he reads messages so I cant see them.
Answer: As above
3- takes his phone eveywhere with him to the toilet
Answer: As above
4- is listed on a dating website we met on RSVP and his profile is still up even though he hasn't looked at it since the start of august. i deleted mine months ago and he knows this.
Answer: This is pointing towards answer B above, but you will need to investigate
5- his relationship status says single on facebook
Answer: This is pointing towards answer B above, but you will need to investigate.
An idea on how to investigate this, just take his phone and run away with it laughing. When your on your own go through it. 1) this will let him know what its like for you when he takes your phone. and i know you feel bad about him doing that! If you find nothing to worry about in his phone then you simply uncovered his game tact as i mentioned above: "A)". Once your satisfied go back and either tell him how you feel if there is evidience to suggest he is cheating or playing behind your back or simply return his phone leting you know you wanted him to see how it feels when he takes your phone and say "Its not a nice feeling is it?"
I dont think he will ever do it again.
As an add to your support do you have a nice guy who will protect you when this type of shit goes down? like a brother or a good mate? it would be a good idea to ask him to give your BF a word or too and tell him to stop &$%#ing with you.
If you lose him then mabey hes wasnt worth it in the first place and now you can relax. if he gives in and lays off what he does then well done he will probably never treat you like that again.
I wish you the best, let me know how you go :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Trust your instincts, my ex convinced me i was paranoid but I wasn't he did the exact same things that yours is doing and he was cheating and meeting up with numerous girls of the internet. Stayed single on profile sites, took the phone to the shower, would wrestle me and get mad if i touched his phone. Do yourself a huge favour move on now. My current boyfriend couldn't care less if i touched his phone, i have access to his email accounts, he doesn't have anything to hide, people act like that when they are hiding something and if he is with you then you should not be putting up with him being on a dating site, that is disgusting. I wish I had the strength to leave my ex sooner it would have saved alot of worrying. He probably isnt even telling people that you exist because then the other girls would clearly see he has a gf if he isn't listed as single, give him a straight out change theses things or that's it and stick to it, if he doesn't see that what he is doing is wrong then there is something wrong with him. Don't let him manipulate you and make you think that your the one with the problem and your paranoid and he can do whatever he wants, don't believe it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): I think that he is expressing to you that he is not ready for any kind of commitment to you, but is very flattered by the knowledge that you are willing to be committed to him. Pull back. You have told him how you feel and that was brave of you, now it is his turn. Do not tell him you love him again, until you hear those words from him first. If you see him everyday, start seeing him every other day. If he ask you where you have been, don't lie just be very vauge and avoid giving details. If he pushes for details, change the subject. Start carrying your phone in your purse and if it rings while you are with him, look inside your purse to see who is calling, but do not pull the phone out. Ignore it if you can, if you can't go to the restroom and return the call and then erase it, so even if he tries to check without you knowing, he will see that you made an effort to hid something and he will then understand how he is making you feel. When he questions you, just shrugg you shoulders, laugh and say "Oh, I thought we had a no looking at each other's phone rule." But do not let him know who called. It is always "just a friend" and "I am sure you don't know them." If he appears not to notice at first, it is probably only because he knows you are trying to beat him at his own game. Just continue to pull back more and more and see him less and less. When he feels there is an actual threat that he is losing something (you), he will know what he has to do and if he really cares about you he will do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): yes i would be worried not overly - think you have to have a sensible chat around am i the only one and if i am then you have to stop and declare it.
after a week or so ask for the phone if he doesn't give it then you know where you stand.
Hugs Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): well, i'd be concerned about the phone business... I suggest not allowing him to see yours? it's only fair, if he wants to have complete access to your phone, then you should have the same. As for the "I love you" It's your choice to fall in love with him after 6 months, if he hasn't then he hasn't. Would you rather him feel obligated to say it, and not mean it? Or wait and him say it when he truly means it?Hope this helps!
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