A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've now been with my boyfriend for 9 months and over the last few months, I just don't trust him. He has this "good friend" who just so happens to be female. And I don't have a problem with that, but, he actually told me early on in the relationship that they had done the nasty in the past just "once" maybe one or two years ago, im not clear on that. Also, a friend of his who is going out whith a friend of mine had said that my boyf was talking about how this girl broke his heart but he will always be there for her. was completely heart broken when I heard this, cause theres me thinking that i'm his one and only and there could actually be another. He doesn't talk to her much, but I've noticed that she always pops up on the scene when we've had an argument about something... and I really dont feel comfortable with the thought that hes chatting our business to her, let alone what else they're talking about. Anyways, to top all this off, I found a pic of him and her on his bedside table- Note, he has no other photos as his stuff is in storage and there aren't any of me and him together.... and couldn't understand why i reacted the way I did (I was v. upset). Is he just stupid or up to something? I'm thinking that maybe subconsciously he has feelings for her but he swears he doesn't.... IDK. He says that he loves me and obviously wouldn't be with me if he had feelings for someone else. And we have both said that each of us are the same person just opposite sexs. But I feel that i can never feel at ease as long as shes in contact with him. Am I being unreasonable? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): I can really relate to your situation.. My last relationship was identical to this. He told me the exact same things-that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't love me. But whenever we had issues or arguments somehow she was always mentionned.. and progressively more often as the relationship pregressed. She was his crying shoulder..he "needed" to talk to her. Needless to say this bothered me. One night we were at his friends wedding and he had a few to many-for some reason I happened to frustrate him and he said(I kid you not) Why aren't you more like (this girl). I finally had enough and ended it soon after that. Ironically they are now engaged. Honestly explain to him how this makes you feel and why it bothers you. Give him the benefit of the doubt but please...watch out for warning signs.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Nope not unreasonable.. they are probably now just friends and he dosen't see her in a romantic sense any longer...
However, it concerns me that she pops up when you two have troubles.. I wouldn't ask him to drop her, but I'd be very cautious about him turning to her for a shoulder to cry on when things go bad.
Tell him your concerns, tell him that it's not sensible to cry on the shoulder to someone he had a sexual relationship with.
Things can happen when people get angry and upset...
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Yep I'd be upset too. He probably is completely innocent of anything naughty but he needs to understand that he's got to be completely open with you about her so that everything is above board. Pick a moment when you are both calm and explain how it makes you feel. Ask him how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot. The key is to remain completely calm and quiet about it.
Good luck hope it all works out for you
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 No your not being unreasonable and you need to stand up for yourself. There is no excuse for him to have all those pictures of her. If you feel uncomfortable about that relationship than he should take your feeling under consideration. Don't be his punching bag and don't allow all this to happened give him and ultimatum and if he truly loves you will choose you, and if he doesn't than you will know he was just now worth it.
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