A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have two relatives that got pregnant on purpose knowing they had no way to support these babies.. Then to top that off they got pregnant again. They both have two kids living off the Gov for their housing and every other benefit they can get from the Gov. Neither one makes an effort to get a job and better themselves.. They are perfectly happy letting their parents and the tax payers take care of them. It angers me because the family is constantly feeling sorry for them but I say they did this to themselves,, There is no reason they can't work like other single mothers and better themselves.. I have tried to tell their parents they are never going to better themselves if you keep giving them handouts.. When I say this I am the bad guy I am the uncaring one. I think these two women are the ones who are uncaring they don't care who they inconvenience or take advantage of.. They even have the nerve to say they don't want to owe you something when they ask for your help.. I just want to know it is wrong that I don't feel sorry for them or that I don't want to help them because they do nothing to help themselves.. It has caused problems with some of my relationships because I see through them.. Am I really the bad guy here?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Stop watching Fox news (they are the only ones who use the term "government handouts") and grow an empathy bone. She's not getting pregnant to get government money because there just isn't much.
If she is alone with two kids, what is she supposed to do with these young children during the day while she works? There is no "government handout" that provides all day every day day care.
I'm guessing there's also something else happening here if everyone but you is trying to help and you just sit there judging.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): well honeypie i agree with the op on this one.. now if these women were not bringing op into this by asking for help, then i could understand.. but the second op is asked for help by two women that dont care about her and who dont help themselves, then op has a huge reason to make others aware of their actions and their lack of any life motivation.. she brings it up to others hoping they will stop the handouts and maybe have a chance to grow up.. why should op work hard an provide for herself ONLY to have two low life women constantly remind her that they do jack squat an have an ok life full of handouts and laziness.. i would pimp slap them both op.. hopefully she meets a guy that she falls in love with who does not work an always ask for money an says to them... "shut up trick" lol
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 It sounds almost like you are making a political statement, rather than an emotional one. Dearcupid really isn't the place for politics. Really.
All I'll say is I believe someone who is poor has as much right to be a parent as someone who has money. And the most important thing for the child is how much they are loved, not how many physical comforts they have.
It's up to their parents to decide what to do. I suspect if you had grandchildren you would go very far to support them, beyond what many people would think appropriate, should the need arise.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Those types of people make me angry as well. There are some who don't necessarily do it on purpose, then some who take advantage like your relatives. I know a woman who was on welfare, had three kids and a boyfriend in jail. She had government assistance for everything. When she did try to get a job they said she couldn't have assistance anymore, she made too much to qualify (with a part time retail job). She would have to pay all of her bills on her own. Well her job didn't pay near enough for all her bills and three kids so she was forced to go back on welfare and essentially do nothing. I don't agree with it at all, but in that situation what else can you do? It's a pretty messed up system sometimes. Just try not to worry about what they are doing, there are people out there who take advantage of the system. But there's literally nothing you can do about it so don't get too worked up over it. Like Honeypie said, if someone asks then feel free to give your opinion, otherwise keep it to yourself. The types of people who give your relatives hand outs are the types who are sensitive to their "plight" so you will seem to be mean. And no, you are not the bad guy at all. You are someone who is decent and has morals.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Honeypie nailed it as usual.
you can't control what others think or do.
and you might as well not even try.
you have every right to feel the way you do. whether it's right or wrong is not the issue. The issue is you need to not tell others what to think or how to feel....
sometimes it's hard to bite your tongue... but how would you feel if someone felt that we all should eat meat and tried to force you to do it or listen to their talking about how it's not right to be a vegetarian when you were vegan.... you don't agree and you don't want to hear it.
also note you are probably preaching to the grandmothers of these innocent children... and they certainly don't want to hear what bad parents the children they raised grew up to be nor do they want to think about their innocent (not their fault or choice they live on welfare)grandchildren missing out on things.
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A
female
reader, Arganique  +, writes (18 November 2012):
I would NOT feel sorry for them. It was their decision to have kids, and get pregnant again. I am grateful for this wonderful country who is able to provide assistance to people who need it, but there are people who ABUSE it, and I don't respect that whatsoever. To have another kid (purposefully get pregnant) when you're already on welfare, or social assistance, is utterly irresponsible and greatly unfair to your current child.My friend flat out told me that she wants more kids so that the Government assistance doubles for her. That would also increase her insurance benefits, and lower her apartment payments. It would also provide her with free food vouchers, and entertainment vouchers. Here I am, going to university, working 2 jobs trying to provide for myself, put clothes on my back, food in my mouth. Maybe I should just pop out 2 kids and be settled? I am kidding.But there are people like that. They are usually not very good mothers either.It's so surprising to read your question, because I'm actually going through a very similar situation with my friend. You can find my question here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-friend-uses-guys-for-sex-and-sperm.html. Maybe some of the answers could relate to your situation?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2012):
 You are more then entitled to your opinion, but that doesn't mean you get to dictate how others live.
No, I would honestly NOT feel sorry for them either.
But if your opinion causes drama and stress with your relatives WHY not DROP the subject? After all YOU can't tell people how to live nor is it your job to judge them.
You just focus on living your life as you see fit. Now if they ASK you for your opinion or advice - feel free to give it, but just to "debate" it and feel "justified" in your opinion.. there is no real point is there?
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A
female
reader, VenusFlowerBasket  +, writes (18 November 2012):
Where are the babies fathers?
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