A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right so here is the script.Me and my girlfriend have been together now for the best part of 6 years on and off. We have had our good and bad times. We have a baby together and currently live together.We have split up a good three times at least. The most recent one was about four months ago, and we have only been together again for the best part of a month now.Things have not been different since we got back together this time. We slept together once within the first week but haven't since. She accuses me of controlling her and accuses me of being strange and 'not normal' in the way I think.In the month the only things I've had problems with are as follows;- She like's to go out in the morning (around 11am) when I am in work and doesn't see fit or 'normal' or even nice to be home when I get home from a long days work.-She goes out all day at the weekends even though this is obviously the only time we get to ourselves.-And most recently (tonight in fact) she has gone out, left me in with our daughter, so she can spend the night at her friends house.Am I really strange and not normal in thinking she shows me no respect? I mean I know I am old fashioned in my thinking, but I also know that I wouldn't go out all night without her, and I wouldn't treat her the way she has been treating me.I'm the kind of guy who is fully committed to a relationship I put myself in. I love her to bits but she makes me so angry when she is like this. There is always a reason not to have sex. There is always an excuse as to why she is late. There is always a get out clause whenever I have a problem with anything.I'm a very opinionated person and very strong in what I believe but she is the one person who ALWAYS runs circles round me. And whenever I do have a go and say what's on my mind I always feel like I am in the wrong and I am just over-reacting - when I know that is not the case. She always get's what she wants but makes the 'not getting what she wants' thing the predominant angle of her argument/defence.There is far too much to mention, but from what I've put does anybody anywhere have some advice?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 The lack of sex, I think is a symptom of everything else going on. I would guess she is withholding sex to "punish" you for not letting her do whatever she wants - when ever she wants it.
I can see it's sad to come home to an empty house and I would be upset if it was EVERY day, but I think there needs to be some give and take.
Does she work at all? Does she contribute financially? or is it all you?
And her being 21.. well, she might not be that mature yet, mother or not.
And again, just because you have a child together doesn't mean you are a good fit. It might benefit the two of you to find a neutral 3rd person to help you resolve this.
A
female
reader, SweetIvy +, writes (11 July 2012):
I agree with previous poster. You cannot expect her to be home EVERY NIGHT when you get in from wrk and I also do not think she should be available every weekend. She deserves to have alone time outside of being with you or being with you and the baby. Everyone deserves a break from time to time. On the same note, I do think she should set aside some time to spend with you SOME nights you get home from work and SOME weekends as well. Sit and talk with her about it and try to make some plans to do things together. Explain your concerns but dont be too overbearing. It sounds like you feel a slight lack of control and may find yourself overcompensating for that. So be careful in how u approach things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you might have mistook a few things I said. Hence why I struggle to talk to her in regards to things like this.To try and expand abit more, I'm not saying I expect her to be home when I'm home from work. And I'm certainly not saying she shouldn't go out during the day or anything to that effect.What I'm saying is that she knows how this bothers me, and when I go to work all day it is nice to come home to the people I do it for... If that makes sense. I don't expect a meal on the table, I don't expect all the cleaning or all other tasks around the house to be done. I just don't like coming home to an empty house, I really don't think that is a big ask when looking at the big picture?Of all the things I've stressed, I think my main problem with the whole situation is not that these things don't happen regardless of me expressing my feelings to her. I think the problem is that I should have to express my feelings to her on the matter. I feel as though respect is just out the window.And for the record she is 21 years old and yet she has gone out at 5:30pm to spend the night at her friends house... How do I even begin to rectify that without calling her childish because it is isn't it?Every time we talk it escalates because yeah I might say nasty things but I only relay what's happening and my opinion. I'm truly at an impasse at the moment with all of this :/ P.S You seem to have skimmed over the lack of sex and the multitude of reasons to that effect? She does so many things that make me think she does want to be in a relationship with me but so much more making me question myself...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2012):
I'll try and answer your questions as you pose them.
#1 * She like's to go out in the morning (around 11am) when I am in work and doesn't see fit or 'normal' or even nice to be home when I get home from a long days work.*
So you think because you work she needs to run home to greet you at the door? I think it's ALWAYS nice if couples can share time together, but I have never seen it as my "duty" as a wife/partner to be "present" when my husband comes home. Mind you, his work hours are ridiculous and ever-changing, which is pretty typical for the military. We try to share dinner, but since we also have 3 kids, dinner time is 6 pm, whether he is home or not.
#2 *-She goes out all day at the weekends even though this is obviously the only time we get to ourselves.*
Now that I agree with you on. Why not sit her down and try and make some plans for the tow (or three) of you for the week-end?
#3 *And most recently (tonight in fact) she has gone out, left me in with our daughter, so she can spend the night at her friends house.*
Again, I think she is a little to old for "sleep overs" at friends houses, but IF she is at home ALL day with your daughter BY HERSELF, I think she deserves a few break here and there and honestly, YOU should enjoy this time with your daughter as well. She is your child as well, so you being the sole caretaker for an evening shouldn't kill you.
I think you two really need to talk and try and compromise in how you spend your time together.
I also think that you might consider going out once in a while with YOUR friends as well. Don't expect her to be the only person to "entertain" and keep you happy.
And you might also consider that maybe the two of you aren't that good of a match, child or nor child.
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