Am I reading into things about my teacher liking me?

Tagged as: Age differences, Forbidden love, Teenage

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Question - (4 December 2009)

7 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2009)

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Yeah, it's another one of those 'does my teacher like me' questions, but I'd like some genuine, sincere answers please. Please don't tell me whether you think it's wrong and that nothing can happen, I'm already aware of this and I'm not trying to make anything happen. I would just like to know what other people think, so it will put my mind at ease.

Normally they say to go with your intuition, but for me, even though I often feel like there's something there, I can't really say for certain, given the situation. I don't see him much, but whenever I'm in his class it feels really tense, and this makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes and I find it hard to concentrate on my work. My friend has also pointed out the fact that he seems quite tense, something she said he wasn't before I moved into her class.

Whenever I'm talking to someone, both in my old class and my current one, he's almost always listening if he's within earshot. Sometimes I feel like I can't speak my mind much or talk to my friends about anything personal because I know he could be listening. I've watched to see if he takes any notice of the other students, but that doesn't seem to be the case. My friend says she feels a little awkward about it sometimes, and she has noticed that whenever he is walking around the classroom, when he gets to us he frequently sits on the desks behind us for a few minutes, possibly listening to us or watching what little work we actually do. Once, neither of us were quite sure of what we had to do, so I asked him a question and he pulled up a chair, sat between us and took over my computer just to highlight one word, explain briefly, then get up and go, when in the past he never went to that effort just to quickly explain something. That same day, at the end of the lesson, most of the class had left while I was waiting for my friend, until we were the only two on the far side of the room. There's not much room between the front desk and the teacher's desk - the only way out - and usually he tidies up the room at the end of a lesson but instead he sat on the desk, making even less room to walk past, and I can't help but feel this was done deliberately.

He doesn't appear to be all that talkative, but seems to make the effort with me (maybe others as well, but I haven't noticed), and shows interest in things I'm also interested in, or at least asks about them, such as when I made an origami butterfly when I was bored. He didn't have to say anything, or could've told me to get on with the work, but instead he asked what I was making and we talked for a bit. I feel like I can get away with more than most of the other students in his class; I fell behind once due to lack of concentration and spending more time talking to my friends, as well as texting people, and I've never been in trouble for this while others have.

Lastly, I read something a while ago about our pupils dilating if we like someone. The lighting isn't great in the room, but I have noticed a difference when he looks at me.

I know I could just be reading into things, but it just feels like too much of a coincidence. Sometimes it makes me think maybe he does like me, but is aware that it's wrong and doesn't want to lose his job, and is trying not to show it. But like I said, I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. I just want to try and come to a definite conclusion so I can just forget about it, whether he does or not, because I'm afraid it might be having an impact on my work. I also don't want to have to mention it to other teachers because I'm finding it somewhat uncomfortable, in case I'm moved out of his class or he loses his job. He's a nice guy and I wouldn't want that to happen, especially since none of it really seems inappropriate, so I just want to know what you make of this and what you think I could do about it.

Thanks in advance.

View related questions: moved in, moved out, my teacher, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't know if it's worth posting an update with all the responses I have so far... Still, it would be nice to hear some other opinions too.

I've had a lesson with him since I posted this question, and I was talking with my friend about the work at some point. As I said, he often listens to my conversations, so a while later he approached me saying "I couldn't help overhearing..." and talked about what I had already mentioned. It was only work related, but I still feel like it was just an excuse to talk to me, because it wasn't as if I was complaining about not understanding it or anything, and he waited some time before approaching us.

Later that lesson, I asked him about something my friend and I were confused about, and he explained it to us. Afterwards, he asked me if I understood it, then if I was sure, and then if I wanted him to draw it on the board - all jokingly, of course, and since lately I've been having trouble understanding some of it and have gone to him for some help, I think he was trying to wind me up.

Am I just reading into things? I'd love to say he's just being friendly and that it's all in my mind, but I don't see him acting like this towards other students.