A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had been sexually molested a lot by an uncle from the age of 9-11 (can't really remember how old I was, but it was at least twice a month for about a period of 2-3 years. At the time when it first happened, I was very shocked and scared and didn't tell anyone, and then it just kept going and going. I would be sleeping in my room and he'd walk in and rub himself on me, and I would just be so scared to tell anyone. I'm also very close with my family and I know how much my parents trusted this uncle, and at the time when i wanted to tell my mom, i was scared that it would cause problems in the family and my parents would be soo hurt because they really trusted this man, so i just kept it to myself. Till this day I have not told my parents. I just ignored it for a while but as i have gotten older and now I'm 25, I've realized how this past still haunts me till today. I was 19 when i lost my virginity, and it was forced on me by one of my guy friends that I just started to date, I feel like i couldn't stand up for myself even though I didn't want to have sex with him. I've had 9 sexual partners in the past all together, and not one of them has ever got me to orgasm. None of these partners were one night stands, I have actually dated all of them. If I'm emotionally involved with a guy, and he wants to have sex, i'll sleep with him within a few days. Has my past made an affect on me? Any thoughts will help. God Bless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): I really felt like I needed to respond to this b/c I went through a similar thing last year. I was assaulted by my best friend; I ended up dating him for nearly four years and got engaged to him briefly. The entire relationship was sexually abusive the whole time. I had reacted differently in that I was emotionally connected to the person who abused me but the silence, fear, embarrassment- all that was there. Sometimes, it still it is. But I happened to find myself in a training at a sexual assault/domestic violence organization for my job and it has completely changed my life. It has done for me what therapy never did, so I would highly recommend first exploring different outlets to try to work through what you experienced. Right before this, I had my first orgasm through intercourse w/ a guy I was dating for about three months. I have had 10 partners and he is the only man who has been able to do that for me. I think this was also important in beginning to heal from my past. B/c of the power/control issues involved in an abusive relationship, I think I could never completely give in to my ex, if you will, so I never orgasmed as a way of regaining power and choice in the one area I thought I could. It sounds kind of difficult to believe but I have come to the conclusion that is the reason. I am now able to orgasms from masturbating as well. Perhaps your past has nothing to do with it but I have found through my work w/ the same agency & talking to many women, many of whom are also survivors of childhood incest or molestation that you can never escape this past- it unfortunately is a part of you but you can regain control over it, how it effects you physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually. Even though I thought I felt safe w/ my ex he abused that personal position so now I realize that I need to have the same feeling of safety and normality that I do w/ the guy who allowed me to have my first orgasm. You can date someone but not have that. This man was also the first that I told about my past while we were dating. I hope some of my thoughts help you figure out what is the best course to healing for you. I have witnessed so many amazing women live, strive, heal in spite of their experiences. Good luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): From what you say, it seems your past experiences are interfering with your ability to respect and love yourself and put your own needs first. If you can, please contact your doctor and see what is type of counselling is available to deal with childhood abuse. I think I have a telephone number and website that might help.
http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline
Their phone number is 1.800.656.HOPE
Unfortunately nobody here at Dear Cupid is qualified to provide you with the support and the advice that you need. Please contact these people, who are experienced in the issues surrounding sexual abuse.
Don't hide your feeling, don't suffer in silence. You did nothing wrong, that man was sick and evil. You deserve happiness out of life and all the joy that the world can offer. Contact an expert and discuss what effects sexual abuse has had on your life.
Blessings to you, I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (18 June 2008):
It could have affected how you see men. What happened to you was awful but you should be proud that you have been able to grow up and become your own person.
The best thing to do is to see how you can stop this cycle. A man worth dating is a man who will wait for your relationship to become sexual. Always wait a while, it'll show you whether your partner is serious about you and will make them respect you more.
It may be worth seeing a counsellor, it can be such a great release getting your feelings off of your chest.
I hope everything goes well for you
xxxx
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