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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been involved with a girl I really like for the past few months..She seems like a great person and we seem like a great fit..I am 30 and she is 25..We have the same morals, beliefs, sense of humor, ect..Last week we were talking and she told me that she had been with another woman before..she down played the whole thing and said it happened about 2 years ago, she was really drunk and she went home with a girl who performed sexual acts on her..she claims she did not perform any acts on the the girl..it was only one way..then she says it was like a half hour ordeal and she ran out of the girls place feeling guilty, ect and never spoke to the female again..now how do i take this? she says she is not bi-sexual in any way and that she wants to be with a man for the rest of her life..she just wanted to "see what it was all about"..she says that was the first and last time she has or will ever do it..i am somewhat worried that someone who would have the personality to do an act like this is maybe not being fully honest with me about their sexuality?? am i over reacting?
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female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (31 December 2006):
 Hey dude, you have nothing to worry about. At least she told you....laid the cards out on the table. She could have kept her mouth closed and never talked about it to you!! It happened two years ago...that is the Past, and drinks were involved. Booze had altered her judgement and if she was sober at that time she wouldn't have done it at all! It even happened to me too (drunk was involved too) I then realize that I am definately not bi either..I will never do that again!! And this is the first time that I spoke about it ever!!!!! She said that it made her feel so guilty and she ran!!!!! People make mistakes and learn from them and go on!!! It was a mistake on both our parts!!
And to answer you last question....yes you are over-reacting!! Get over it and get on with your relationship with your girlfriend...and by the way, give her a hug for me, she sure needs one!!!!
A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (31 December 2006):
Hey dude, you have nothing to worry about. At least she told you....laid the cards out on the table. She could have kept her mouth closed and never talked about it to you!! It happened two years ago...that is the Past, and drinks were involved. Booze had altered her judgement and if she was sober at that time she wouldn't have done it at all! It even happened to me too (drunk was involved too) I then realize that I am definately not bi either..I will never do that again!! And this is the first time that I spoke about it ever!!!!! She said that it made her feel so guilty and she ran!!!!! People make mistakes and learn from them and go on!!! It was a mistake on both our parts!!
And to answer you last question....yes you are over-reacting!! Get over it and get on with your relationship with your girlfriend...and by the way, give her a hug for me, she sure needs one!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but if my gf told me this I'd be hugely turned on!
On a more serious note, she could very easily have not told you at all. The fact she chose to disclose this to you indicates she wants your relationship to built on full trust and for the two of you to have no secrets from each other.
She trusts you and that's surely a very good thing.
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A
female
reader, Tiagre +, writes (30 December 2006):
I don't think that you should worry.
She has clearly been honest with you about her past, and that's a reason to believe her when she said she didn't enjoy it. Plus, evern if she was a closet bi, she wants to be with you. If she had no past like this, would you still be worried about her cheating with another man? Unlikely.
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female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (30 December 2006):
 Personally, I think you're overracting a tad bit.
Let's face it, whether we're open about it or not, we've all at least wondered what it's all about, why so many people seem to find comfort with someone of the same sex, etc, etc, and girls are even more prone to thinking about it more times than men. She was drunk and curious, that's that. She obviously feels terrible about it, so there's no need to worry about her sexuality. She tried it, hated it, and more than likely will never aquire a taste for it again. I don't think you should hold it against her... not saying you would, but how would you feel if she overreacted over the same thing if you'd tried it and were sincerely sorry about it? I say, no reason to fret... except maybe if you two have a fight and she goes to get drunk. ~.^ Just kidding... you shouldn't worry about it at all, don't jump down her throat at any little thing that might make you wonder... say, if she says an actress is really pretty or something. That's a sure way to shatter her ability to ever be open about it again, and a sure fire way to break you two up!
Take Care!
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (30 December 2006):
 Your girlfriend shared an intimate situation that happened before your time.
She did not have share with you, but she wanted you to know. There is no reason why you should doubt her feelings towards it. It was an experiment and she did not like it.
Perhaps she needs you to accept her past to help you both build an honest relationship.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): I have been around for a long time and I have seen changes in our society and a generl shift in attitudes about sexuality and sexual experimentation with young people in general, to say the least I find it distressing because it makes it so much more difficult to figure out people in relation to their relationship potential...
I have come to my own conclusions and they are based on a loosely educated guess about the psychology of human behavior.
I think their are people who are genetically predisposed to being homosexual and like most people their sexuality comes upon them over time and through some form of experimentaion with it...and then there are those people who when young are easily influenced by others and if put in a situation where they are presented the oppotunity to experiment with same sex encounters particularly when it is now considered "cool" to be gay or bi, and add to the mix some alcohol or drugs it happens, a homosexual encounter...they were open to experimentation, and most decide if not predisposed to being gay, that it is not for them....
I think this is damaging to people and sometimes causes them to do everything they can to erase the experience from their psyche like getting over involved in a new affair, or getting married or living together too soon or some other coping mechanism like confessing it to a new partner....
I would just believe what she tells you how she feels about it now, she did it, did not like it and is passing you this hot potato of information so that she does not have to deal with it on her own which makes no real sense, but hey she is only 25....the bigger question to me for you being older and more mature is: is this woman emotionally mature enough to be a good partner to me, not what is her sexuality, she has already decided that apparantly, but her lack of judgement might be more of an important indicator of her overall maturity and ability to function as a good partner for you...more to come in that department I would wager.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I had the same thing happen to me. For me it was...I was honest and upfront, I answered the person's questions with full honestly regardless if it made me uncomfortable or not.
I wanted to be committed to this person for the remainder of my days. Said person deserved to know all my faults and flaws along with my strengths so they knew what they were "getting".
Dishonesty and building upon it by concealing, lying, omitting will only bring heartache, confusion, and anger when the power of truth wants to be made known.
That it was told to me after 6 months and with threats of an EX informing me...hurt like hell. I felt robbed of so many things and I began to doubt if I knew the person and questioned if the person knew what love was and his character and integrity were highly suspicious.
Far from fun times.
Some things are another's burden to carry until they, themselves can forgive themselves.
It is all about forgiveness.
Forgive and build the trust up.
Wow...she shared something most others would continue to conceal. That says something about her character.
It's near awesome.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): Hey, this girl shared her most intimate secret with you. So that tells me she cares about you big time! She told you she felt guilty about it and it wasn't for her. It un nerves you now because it has made you doubt her sexuality? I think she has a great amount of trust in you, so that's a positive in a relationship isn't it? It means she doesn't want any secrets with you. Accept it, support her, you want a totally open honest relationship don't you? Give her a bad time about it and she may not open up to you about something as significant in the future.
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A
female
reader, XxXLoveAngelXxX +, writes (29 December 2006):
 Maybe your overreacting just a bit. After all, everyone experiences things for the first time and maybe she just wanted to see what it was like, just like she said. And if she wasn't being honest then she wouldn't have told you about it in the first place.
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