A  ,
*elsi
writes:Help me make sense of this!!!! Two years ago I told a friend of mine I had feelings for her that went deeper than friendship. (We are both females) She said she was SHOCKED when I told her. Now keep in mind we live 1300 miles apart and she is in an unhappy marriage and has been for about 8 years. She is 55 years old. Anyway she denied feeling the same way, (that was two years ago she told me that). Anyway we email often and just last week she flew up here to spend the week with me on vacation, left her husband home. During our time together this past week she told me she had fallen out of love with her husband some time ago and she wished she would win the lottery so she could buy a summer home in the town I live so we could be closer. We drank some wine and I told her I don't let myself get to tipsy anymore because I am a big flirt and she kept saying to me through the week, hey let's get shit-faced, let's get a matching tattoo to commerate our vacation together. Now why would she want me to get shit-faced when I told her I get flirty???? And why would she want us to get matching tattoo's? She also touched me alot, putting her hand on my knee during a time when we had someone take our picture together, grabbing my arm etc. and I caught her looking at my legs and kind of eying me up. She even mentioned how white my teeth were. Am I over reacting to her actions or is she into me but can't or won't admit it???Please help!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): she might be into you, she might just enjoy having you being into her, It really doesn't matter does it because she's not free to love you as you'd deserve. Why would you want to be with someone who really isn't free?
I would suggest you maintain your friendship but live your life for you and go out and find a lady for yourself. This might actually motivate her to leave her husband and confess feelings for you. If and when that happends you can make new plans to be with her.
A
reader, kelsi +, writes (4 August 2009):
kelsi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. My friend didn't want to get drunk she wanted me to get drunk, which led me to believe she wanted me to get flirty. Why else would she keep saying something to me about getting shit-faced??? Another point I should mention is that she told me if she were younger "she would leave his (husbands) ass in a heart beat. The truth is I think she likes the idea of me being in love with her. She told me that her husband isn't so bad that she can't tolerate him. So it's like she lets herself get very close to me then backs away, afraid of her feelings for me I guess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): She could be into you, yes. Maybe when you told her how you feel about her, it has made her think about how she feels about you, and has kind of acted as a "go-ahead" for her to act on those feelings.
BUT, she might just be confused at the moment. She mentioned that she has fallen out of love with her husband. If there are problems within the marriage, she will probably be feeling all over the place emotionally right now. Perhaps that is why she was keen to go out and get drunk. Maybe she wanted to drown her sorrows, so to speak.
In those kinds of situations, when there are problems in a relationship, we sometimes seek comfort and solace from other people. Maybe, now she knows how you feel about her, she is flirting with you as a way to get her mind off her husband. Maybe she is trying to have a good time despite what is going on.
I'm not saying that she is trying to hurt you. I just think that she may be vulnerable right now, and not really sure of her actions. So it is difficult to know if she does genuinely like you back in the same way, or whether she is being like this due to her relationship problems.
So I think you need to be careful here. I would advise just trying to be a friend to her, and nothing more just yet, until she has worked out what she is doing about her marriage. She may just simply be going through a rough time. Wait a while until things calm down a bit, and then maybe you could ask her how she feels about you, and what you said to her, if she is still showing these signs of interest in you. Good luck. x
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