A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 2 years suddenly decided she wants to be close friends with her ex. They had lunch together last month and she keeps inviting him to her house to work on art projects. The thing is that she has gone back to this boyfriend 3 times in the past. I have told her that what she is doing does not seem that appropriate to me. She says she misses doing projects with him and that she did not contact her ex in the past as a sign of respect for me. It does not seem to matter to her how I feel, she keeps on spending time with him.She is also spending a lot of time with another male friend of hers. I don't seem to be included in any of these interactions.Am I overreacting?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2011): I have already taken the steps you nice people have talked about. I think this relationship is taking its final breaths and will end soon. Thank you for confirming that I have not been reasonable.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 April 2011):
 I agree with the other answerers. I know I would have major issues with this. Out of respect for you and if she values your relationship, I think she'd want to avoid having anything she does misinterpreted.
I think you need to tell her that while you don't want to come off as jealous or controlling but that you feel hurt and a little nervous about her clinging to this guy, given their past. I think her reaction to your concerns will show whether she respects your feelings or not.
Be prepared to walk away from this one and I'd explore the reason why she would chose now to be good friends with her ex.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): I'd say give her the ultimatum of me or them then proceed as follows.You don't want to be with someone that doesn't wanna be with you.. don't think your overreacting I'd feel jealous too, goodluck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): I don't think you are over-reacting. You need to sit down with your girl and really establish boundaries. Of course, I'm not saying to be jealous or controlling, but suggest that you feel more comfortable if you are around when she hangs out with these other people. If she truly doesn't have feelings for these people, your presence shouldn't make a difference, in fact, you guys are together so integrating her friends with her boyfriend should only be natural.
I'm not a big fan of re-connecting with ex's. I have always gone cold turkey after ending a relationship because it's very easy to go back to an ex. However, your relationship, like all other relationships, is unique, and a lot depends on trust. Trust is everything. Believe me, I'd know. Right now the relationship I had is extremely strained because of my boyfriend's exgirlfriend. I'm on the verge of calling it quits.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 April 2011):
I would ditch this woman on the strength of this and given that you know she's been back to him before 3 times. I find what she's said to be very poor:
"She didn't contact him in the past because of respect for you" - so what does that mean? That she has no respect for you anymore?
Seriously, don't waste time on her.
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