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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: All right so I'm really upset, so please take into account that I can't really think straight right now. here goes...My ex and I recently got back together after a 3 month split. We decided we would keep it between us for a while until we can work things out so none of our friends know that we are back together yet. so last night I was hanging out with a bunch of people in my room. me, my friend, and this guy weve known for a while were watching old pinky and the brain episodes on his iphone. my roommate and two other friends were there. It got pretty late and my roommate wanted to sleep so the three of us went to my friends room to watch the last episodes and the other two friends went to their rooms to sleep. we sat down on her bed with him in the middle holding the iphone. I eventually fell asleep thinking he would get up and go to his room when they were done watching. I woke up to feel his hand attempting to go down the back of my pants. I immediately got up, made an excuse that it was too crowded and slept in her room mates empty bed. I wasn't sure he did it on purpose so I didn't say anything. I fell asleep for about an hour only to wake up and find that he left the bed with my friend in it and followed me into the next one. he was right up against me and I moved away. He asked me about my ex and I told him we werent together but that we still loved each other and that I didn't want to be with anyone else. and that him being in the bed with me was making me a little uncomfortable because I felt like I was cheating on him or something. He listened and said he understood and I thought that was that until he had me pinned down on the bed and tried to kiss me. I told him no and that I couldn't do that to my ex and I took my phone and left the room. It was around 3 am when this happened and I called my boyfriend crying. I told him I had a bad dream because I wasn't sure I should tell him or if I was overreacting. He calmed me down. I wanted to go back to my room but my keys were still in my friends room and I was afraid to leave her alone with him. She is such a heavy sleeper, someone could rape her and she would probably never know it. I had tried waking her up so many times but she wouldn't. so I waited for a while outside the room until the guy fell asleep then I went back and went to sleep next to my friend. I was too terrified to sleep and he woke up and asked me to come back to his bed but I pretended to be asleep. I barely slept the whole night, and the next morning he acted like nothing happened and left. I told my friend and she said she had felt someone touching her too but she thought she was dreaming so she kept moving in her sleep (which she doesn't usually do) because she was uncomfortable.The fact that I was in this situation at all is upsetting me because I feel like its my fault. I shouldn't have fallen asleep with someone I barely knew still in the room. I feel so dumb for putting myself in that position and I don't know if I handled it the right way. I've never drank alcohol or done drugs or kissed/touched/snuggled with anyone other than my boyfriend. hes my first and only and weve been together for 2 years and i feel like in some way I disrespected him. I feel like a slut, like I did something wrong. I've never done anything so irresponsible my whole life. I know that technically nothing happened but I feel like a lot of lines were crossed that shouldn't have been and I know that I made it perfectly clear that I did not want him to touch me like that. I just didn't know how to get out of the situation without putting my friend in danger by leaving him alone.on top of everything I told my boyfriend what happened because I felt he should know the truth from the start even if nothing happened. I want to be honest with him and I don't want anything to ever get between us. I told him and hes mad at me b/c he said I should have slapped the guy and made it more clear that I didn't want it. but honestly how much clearer could I have been, I said no and pushed him off.Was this my fault? Did I handle it the wrong way? Am I overreacting for feeling violated? Did I cheat on him? Should I have not told my boyfriend? Please help me, I feel so horrible.
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drugs, got back together, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did talk to someone from rain and it helped and made things worse all at once. partly because it gave me no other choice but to face what happened and realize that he violated me. and ignoring it was numbing and it was easier than facing what happened. right now im just, trying to deal. my friend saw the jerk and punched him in the face, not the best reaction i know, but she was so angry about it. he spent three days trying to contact me and find out why i was avoiding him at all costs and why i was mad at him. my other guy friend told him if he knew what was good for him he would stay away from me. so he stopped trying to reach me and barging into my dorm room without knocking. i keep my door locked at all times now and avoid him like the plague. its all i can do to try to get over this. i dont know, i really am trying to accept what happened and heal, but im struggling. some days i feel so numb and other days i just break down. my ex tried to contact me today but i ignored him to. i cant help but feel like all guys are jerks, im sorry to those really rare nice ones out there. but im a wreck right now, ive talked about it, ive tried to accept i wasnt wrong, and deal but im just stuck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for the supporti didnt report it because i have no proof of what happened, and not only do i still feel like an idiot for putting myself in that situation, im beginning to worry i read too much into it. maybe hes just a really bad flirter? i dont know, im just not ready to face thismy boyfriend actually broke up with me over this too. he said i was the stupidest girl he ever met for getting into a situation like that. that was one of his reasons. i just find this all ironic because three days ago we were doing great and he was telling me he still had feelings for me, and once i told him the truth it was like a complete flip. we've been through so much, and i never thought he could ever be that harsh. so i guess right now im a little bit in shock. i just cant handle any of this right now. i just want to be numb, i dont know how to deal with anything right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Why didn't you phone the police? your very lucky this guy didn't rape you or your friend. Next time, some poor girl properly will be raped by him. You really should have called the police.
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A
male
reader, oh man this is not good  +, writes (26 November 2008):
 Hey i feel for you,
Listen if you were my girl i would be more supportive, i mean if you had slapped him he could have easily hit you back or worse taken things further, there is no right or wrong in these situations because they are all different but you told him how it was and thats the main thing. I dont know your boyfriend so i mean no disrespect but if he loves you he should be there to support you.
You are by no means a slut and you have just been unlucky to encounter a sleaze ball of a guy, please dont let this affect you as you sound like a lovely girl and you have your morals in the right place.
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