A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend said something last night that has left me feeling insecure this morning so I would like other opinions on whether I'm overreacting and just take it as him being honest. We were talking last night about opposite sexes/physical appearances and he said "if i could have what i really wanted, i don't even know why i'm telling you this, it would be wavy red hair". I have straight black hair and from the beginning of our relationship, 4 years ago, I knew he liked red heads and black hair and especially wavy hair as he always gets "excited" when I put some curls in mine. I just looked at him and said "oh, i knew that. you'd always said you liked blah blah blah" and that was that. Then he said something to me about some "types" of men that I love and how they would be what I would really go for if I had the chance. It kind of made me feel like he didn't love me and wishes l looked different or that he'd rather be with someone else. Today I'm over-thinking it and it's getting to me and I definitely don't want to let him know it bothered me because I like the fact he was honest. Thoughts please?
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 First of all , my complimemts to your bf for his excellent taste, from a wavy haired red head ,lol.
Second, yeah you are over-reacting.
He was just talking about this and that, shooting the breeze. In general. I am sure he did not mean that he got you because he could not lay his hands on a red head, or that he'll jump ship as soon as he meets one.
He likes you because he likes YOU. The whole package, in and out.
It does not mean that he can't have esthetic preferences, at least in theory.
In theory I like ( and notice ) blonde guys, in practice the man is was most passionate and in love with was dark haired.
People have preferences, they may , ideally, prefer bulldogs to poodles, and yet , if for some reason they adopt a poodle, they can love that poodle fiercely and with all their heart ( sorry for ... comparing you to a dog, I just could not find another example off the top of my hat ) .
It's just- talk. I don't think he meant anything special by that, it's as if he said: I like red roses, or I like red cars.
I agree that maybe he did not word it in the best, most appropriate way, " if I could have what I really wanted " it's perhaps not the most flattering way to express himself . Your guy does NOT have a way with words :). Still, he did not do anything bad in stating a theorical, general ,esthetic preference which then has got nothing to do with his IRL choices.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 All men like a wavy haired red head so it was no big personal secret of his so let it go over your head as just one more silly thing that means didley squat in the overall scheme of things.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 October 2014):
It's normal to be sensitive to those types of comments, as we'd all like to be perfect in our mates eyes. However it's certainly not a good reason to be upset or offended.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Yes.... you're overthinking and overreacting. It's OK to discuss things/ideas/concepts that you don't have.... as long as that is the nature of discussion.....
Many of us discuss such things as sexual/sensual fantasies with our partners.... but that doesn't mean that our current - and satisfying - relationship is any less satisfying......
Good luck...
P.S. I'd like to drive a brand-new Corvette.... but I content myself with my 1982 Ford Pinto. It gets me back and forth to the grocery store.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2014):
 My husband had a thing for redheads. I'm blond. He likes BIG girls, I'm not.
My type is also very different from him in many ways, but LIKING something doesn't mean YOU have to have it.
I don't think my husband would like me better if I had red hair ( I've had it dyed red a couple of times for MY sake) ANd I don't think he would leave me over my "lack" of red hair.
There's more to you then the color of your hair. There is more to the reason he is with you and LOVE you then the color of your hair.
Variety is the spice of life. If you want to NOT make this about yourself, buy a red wig and surprise him in the bed room.
And the red hair is more of a "fantasy" thing then a reality thing. Some people believe the redheads are more "passionate" than blonds, or that blonds are dumb and so forth. It's fantasy stereotyping.
Having a type is not uncommon, BEING with only people who LOOK like that type.. is.
...............................
|
