A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend began riding motorcyles last year. He is planning a continental-wide ride later this year that will last 2 months. He's 30 and sees this as his 'HS graduation trip' his 'college study-abroad' - he did neither. I'm very supportive of this, and after a conversation last fall, he did purchase THE bike for THE trip.I on the other hand, hate motorcycles. Last week, he went on his first long ride. We talked about it and he told me it was suppose to be 2 hours there, 2 hours hanging out in the city, and 2 hours back max. I was on a business trip out of the country.I asked him to CALL me when he left home, got there and got home.I received a text at 1:15pm saying he was leaving. I did not hear from him again until 9 am the next day!!!I went crazy! I called too see if any deaths had occurred, checked with local police in both cities and the highway patrol in between.Turns out he found a cheap hotel and decided to stay the night; his cell did not work (it's a metro PCS).This is the 2nd time he's done this, but in my book much worse because he knows how I feel about the motorcycle.The first time we went missing it turned out he had changed plans mid-stream [and worried me and the person he was suppose to have been meeting] and went to a remote area with no cell service [Sprint phone at that time].Let me clarify- I do not in any way, shape, or form, believe that any hanky panky, etc., is going on. He is totally in love with me. I am 100% confident in this.I know he did not have a great family life growing up; basically an absent mother and an abusive step-father- so he is not in the habit of checking-in or of being worried over.I instantly go to a bloody cracked skull on a hospital gurney when he does this type of thing! There must be a physical reason why he can't get to a phone in my mind!He did email me, but I had no access to a computer until 2 days later.This was all last week. I did the angry/silent treatment thing for 2 days. Then we talked and things subsided.Yesterday I forwarded him the hotel long distance bill I had incurred for around US$70 that I had mentioned he would be paying. He is adament about NOT paying it.We're at a standstill; I told him to call me when he changed his mind. To quote him: "You still feel like calling the police and completely loosing your cool before even 6 hours had goneby was a totally justifiable reaction? Really?" BTW: 20 hours went by with no word from him.There was a detective at his house when he got home.What am I suppose to do? To me it's not just about the $70 - it's about him being inconsiderate as hell, worrying me, causing me to lose sleep before an all-day client meeting! He's accepted that he screwed up and has gotten a calling card. He's said he's sorry. Well, IF he is indeed sorry about it, show it!Am I overreacting? I feel I can't trust what he tells me he's going to do/ plans-wise - ever!How am I suppose to handle the 2-month trip later this year?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 April 2008):
This comes from your fear of him on a motorbike.
So although he hasn't been as thoughtful as he should do, I think the best way to get round this problem, is to take the blame.
Apologise for being so scared about it all. Explain that you love him and worry about him and you really want to be better at leaving him to ride in time for his trip.
The whole thing about riding a bike is the freedom, so say that you want to work up to leaving him to it.
Work out a schedule for him to call you on his next ride, and then on the ride after that, let him call you less often. Work up to leaving him to it for a few days at a time. Make sure your details are in his wallet so if anything happens to him, you are the first to know.
You have to learn to stop worrying. I'm an army wife so I know how easy it is to panic and imagine the worst, but you have to just trust that it's not going to happen.
Good Luck!! xx
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