A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:you know the movie/book "he's just not that into you?" well I'm kinda thinking thats the case for my situation, but maybe I'm just overthinking/analyzing it after watching the film/reading quotes from the book. First off- I like that he's taking things slow b/c I prob wouldn't like him if he went any faster, we are in the "getting to know eachother stage still" It's been 3 months.Second- we havent met, he lives 6 hrs away (his family is friends with my friends family, which is how we met)Third- HE IM'S ME MOST OF THE TIME AND HE CALLS ME/TEXTS ME MOST OF THE TIME (for every 3 calls, I call once, I texted first once only)Fourth- We don't talk everyday (i like it that way) but we talk lots these days b/c we're both not as busy (summer time) He told me, when school starts up, he wont be able to talk as much as he is now AND SAME GOES FOR ME!Fifth- In the beginning he'd reply after like 2-3 mins, sometimes wander off during an AOL IM conversation, I told him i didnt like it, and he does not do it anymoreSixth- I didnt like his beard and he said he'd shave it for meSeventh- Texts me saying Im interesting and wants to talk to me, calls me, flirts sometimes.Problems:1. I think I made a huge mistake by asking when we'd get to see eachother (i asked him out first..bad move) 3 months ago, he was willing to but it never worked out. We had planned to see eachother a month into our "talking" but when that day was coming near, he never brought it up..i brought it up and he said: "oh i cant meet up that weekend, i gotta go see my parents pluss im broke" YES, HES VERY BROKE AND ITS DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO SEE ME. Then i was gonna come to his town when my friend (who hooked us up in the first place) said that her and her family are going to a wedding in his town and that she wanted me to come, so I said ok, he was excited, when I told him I changed my mind and wasnt coming (to see what he'd do) he got upset. My friends family cancelled the trip so i wont be going to his town, he was bummed out and said "lets go with the flow" (hes broke i understand but i had enough) so I said "WHEN ARE WE MEETING UP THEN?" and he told me hes "saving up" i said, "i cant talk to u if we're not meeting up" hes like no i want to see u, i will come to ur town to see u, and that by winter break I'll save up money to see u. But I just don't know if hes gona pull the whole "im broke deal' if a guys into u, he'll come.2. Doesnt really open up about his feelings towards me ( i dont either,) i think that shud b done in person.Im just wondering if hes just not that into me b/c of the fact that I asked HIM out first but he IS really broke and IS trying now (or is he just feeling forced to try) i told him, if u dont really wanna see me, we can just say peace out now, but he said NO I WANT TO SEE U AND I WILL SEE U! lol so am i just over thinking this or is he not into me, and shud i just move on?
View related questions:
flirt, money, move on, text, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, Im thinking, if he backs out again in the winter (b/c we've set a time and he said winter break (december) so if he backs outa that, or "forgets" I guess that will be my last straw, but thats in about 4 months, so I dont know!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): i thiunk u ARE reading too much into it..! the guy's probably embarassed about the situation - cut him some 'slack'!! he's into you but u shudn't be too pushy or needy - guy's get put off very quickly by little signs of trouble!
...............................
A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 well..actually, from the problem you wrote there. I saw your relationship with him is still tooo far from what we called "romance"
This is not something, 'he's not that into you', but i see that you have put too high expectation to yourself. How can i say that?
1. you can describe so detail about how long he reply your text
2. you can describe in detail how many times a day he called and you pick his calls
3. you already test his feeling..
From those facts above, i see that you already into him, but..unfortunatelly, i can say that you are too fast.
Yknow, he hasn't met you yet, how come it possible this man got the feeling for you? He's a man.. man needs the vision of his potential girlfriend, man needs physical contact, man needs something real instead of virtual.. well, that's already their set-default...and woman cant change it.
Nothing's wrong with him, I guess..and i dont think he tries to play on your feeling. Again, i could say..you may have expected things too early.
My suggestion, just count this not-meet-yet situation as a pure friendship. You will feel better. Someday, if you or him have a chance to see each other..you two can decide where the relationship will go.
For now, i only can suggest you to move on and find someone real.. i mean, a man that can see you in real life, and allow him to feel your real existence, and having the real feeling for you..
Good luck! :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): It sounds like he's very into you to me! I think you shouldn't put quite so much pressure on him to come see you or else though. Is there any other opportunity you could have to go to his town if you've got more money than him?
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 To tell you the truth I don't think he's too crazy about you. If he was he would make the effort to see you, broke or not, or at least talk to you more.
I don't think you made a mistake in asking him out first. That didn't change how he felt. If he was as interested as you are he would have taken your offer but it seems he's not that keen for some reason.
He's still talking to you and he says he will see you but you always have to remember that actions speak louder than words. Put yourself in his shoes. If you were him and here was this girl who you were so keen on why would you be so unenthusiastic.
What I've found with many guys is that they're too nice to say no right out. They pretend all is fine, they say they will see you, but nothing ever happens. I don't think this guy is going to wake up one day and change his mind. I think he's not that interested but doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
If I was you I would be totally straight up with him and tell him you're interested in taking things to the next level. The sort of response you get from him will tell you what's up. I had a similar situation a year ago and if I didn't ask him straigh up (and he reluctantly told me he wasn't interested) I would still be obsessing and analyzing things.
And three months is just too long. No guy, no matter what his deal is, is going to want to take things 'slow' if he is really interested.
I think he's too nice to say no and I don't think this will develop into anything more. If you want to move on, as I think you should and open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone who will really want you, I say tell him what you want. His response will tell you all you need to know. You need to get on with your life.
...............................
|
