A
female
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anonymous
writes:We rent a house in a lovely peaceful area. Peaceful excpet for the children next door who wake extremely early and scream quite loudly. Peaceful apart from the other neighbour who plays his music loud and until late at night. Back in June, with the weather being warm, the windows were open and the volume of music was intolerable. I went next door at 1a.m and banged on the door but there was no answer. It continued for hours. I was quite distressed and very tired and so the following day I wrote a polite note and posted it through his door. He hasn't been as bad since then.This last weekend I was home alone and when I went to bed at midnight, I heard the noisy neighbour return from a night out. He had someone with him. This someone proceeded to yelp and moan like a dog for 2 hours while she had noisy sex.I felt really uncomfortable as I hate to hear that intimacy between 2 people. I also felt so angry because I was very tired. I'm always very nervous when home alone due to a past scary experience and all I wanted was to try and sleep, but couldn't. It was relentless. I didn't want to make a noise because I thought it almost unfair to disturb. After all, that's the first time I've heard him have company in 9 months! But seriously, I was knackered and didn't know what to do. The day after I again decided that perhaps a note would be the right way forward. It was short and more about the time of the noise, rather than what the noise was. Now.... I am really interested to see what other people think would have been the appropriate response. My boyfriend said I shouldn't have said anything as it was personal and is embarassing. yet he agrees if it had been music again, that's ok to complain. Anyone had a similar thing happen? How did you react? As I pointed out, he may be able to hear us for all we know, which is why I didn't mention the embarrassment. But regardless of that, we don't make any noise of any kind at unreasonable hours as a courtesy to our neghbours. did I over react?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): i am a single female living in what could be a great home please note that you did not overreact, i have been suffering for the past few months since i moved into a ground floor flat, a very bad conversion of a house into two flats and i have notified the landlord many times as to the noise and few leaks i have had from upstairs into my own flat, still landlord not done anything. i spoke to guy upstairs about the noises causing especially when hey start at 3 to 4am every weekend with their stomping round flat and when sex is going on my ceiling bounces with them and she howls like a hiyena, think on purpose to let me know she's getting it. believe me if your neighbour is taking notice be happy and try to enjoy peace when you get it, i know i do. sam from leeds
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Hi There,
I follow the rule of "You unto others as you would have done to you." If I was the one making noise, and I myself would have found it unreasonable, then I have no problem with a neighbor telling me anything.
Such as, I once had a neighbor that had a barking dog. the dog barked rediculously for an HOUR wnating to get inside one day. After an hour, I finally said that is it, and went over to the neighbours. I guess they saw me coming, as the dog was let in. So I walked away.
When it comes to sex, I have a couple living under me, and can hear everything they do. I figure they probably here me when I have a lover over. As I do not want to be bothered with being told to keep it down due to sex, I do the same for them. That is how I handle it.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to make clear the Q is about the sensitive issue of noisy sex, not noisy neighbours. I have put up with worse noise levels! I want people to share what they think reasonable, appropriate ways to handle sex sounds. Thanks
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A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (23 October 2006):
 Hey,
There are laws in place in the UK to help prevent noisy neighbours - although the instances you are describing, while annoying in their own right, are infrequent and as such the chances of you suceeding in a complaint against your neighbour would be slim.
I think your approach of a note is acceptable. You could ask that if he's planning a party that he let you know beforehand, that way you make your own plans to be elsewhere if you feel you can't put up with the noise - or even have your own party!!
Honestly, it really does sound fairly minor - I know that tiredness makes things seem worse!!
I have noisy neighbours who are in a completely different category to yours. They are very young, almost kids and must have a nocturnal lifestyle. They regularly start playing music at top volume between 1am and 4am, shriek hysterically at each other, have parties, have 'friends' around who've broken the windows in the house and sit in their cars revving the engines outside the house. And this is more frequently than once a week..... Needless to say I have a good pair of earplugs and an ongoing relationship with the Council!!
The funny thing is, often the music played at top volume are love songs - so maybe my neighbour could do with a visit to DearCupid to help her out!!
Visit your local Council's website and it'll tell you what actions you can take against noise, especially music. They have Out-of-Hours teams in my area so they can come and listen to it when you complain to see what's it's really like.
Good luck,
Anon2907
PS Get some good earplugs - they're great for saving embarrassment!
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