A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So my adopted sister left home and back-stabbed my family after all we did for her. Now she won't talk to us or anything like that. So I found out that my bestfriend is all besties with her now, and I can't but feel betrayed by my best friend. She knows that after all she did to our family we don't want her close to us. I know my best friend is free to do whatever she pleases but I just feel like she went behind my back. I feel like she could've warned me. Am I over reacting?
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (12 July 2015):
 Things happen in life that we don't like, may I ask how your adopted sister back stabbed your family? Of course its obvious to see that whatever happened between your adopted sister and your family it has hurt you greatly and I can imagine how betrayed you feel.
In life we get hurt, people betray us and leave us and ignore us, and sometimes they can do it for no reason and sometimes its always the people we expect the least. I myself have had trouble with family disowning me and turning their back on me for no reason, and I for one can say it hurts an awful lot.
As she is adopted you and your family have obviously shown great kindness and it is sad that this kindness has not been repayed to you, however like you said your bestfriend can do whatever she likes and I am afraid that if she wants to be bestfriends with your adopted sister then she is not a bad person for doing that.
My female bestfriend has two sisters, one young and one older than her and if for example she fell out with one of her sisters and they came to me to talk or for help, I of course would not turn them away, simply because as I have grown close to them over the years I have also grown close to her family.
This is probably the case with your bestfriend. Your adopted sister probably reached out to her after she left home and your bestfriend probably helped her. You need to remember that your feud is between you and your adopted sister and not her. They can be friends if they want too and your best friend doesn't nesscarily have to side with you, even though you would probably like her too.
I think you are overeacting. As long as your best friend is still loyal to you and still bothers with you, then there is no reason to be angry at her, its very unlikely she has done this behind your back to hurt you and she is probably just remaining neutral in the situation.
I understand how hard it must be though, it sucks when someone your friends with decides to be friends with someone you don't like, but that is life unfortunately.
If you feel that strongly about it you can talk to her about the situation, don't of course go ahead and say that your annoyed or feel she has been unloyal just let her know you value her as your bestfriend and hope that even though she is good friends with your adopted sister that she still will remain friends with you and not let the situation between you and your adopted sister get in the way of your friendship. Good luck x
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 July 2015):
 So there is very bad blood between your adopted sister and the rest of the family? Yet your best friend can see some good in your adopted sister.
I wonder what drama has occurred where you feel that your adopted sister "back-stabbed my family after all we did for her."
Who did what for her? was she adopted as a baby or as an older child? Was a lot expected of her and she turned out to not meet the standards of the family?
Based on what you believe your adopted sister did, or did not do, you are now most unhappy at your best friend choosing to befriend your adopted sister.
What do you think your adopted sister would say if she were asked what went wrong?
Your adopted sister is entitled to make friends but in this instance I suspect that you think your adopted sister has somehow explained things in such a way that your best friend wants to give your adopted sister some support.
Thus things may also become strained between you and your best friend and that could become a further problem for you.
Is there no way this conflict can be resolved? Because your sense of betrayal is no doubt heightened by the drama with your adopted sister and now your best friend choosing to support your adopted sister.
That is certainly a lot to deal with, especially in the face of what appears to be some family conflict as well over your adopted sister
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2015): yes, because this is an opportunity for you to review how you feel about your adopted sister.Your sister was not in control of her life when she was adopted..it was just something that happened to her and presumably your mum and dad desparately wanted to adopt..or did they ? It is wonderful that your sister has turned to your best friend rather than the local pervert for help and understanding at this difficult time because it shows that ultimately she trusts your good taste. Now it could go many different ways from here but you and your bestie would eventually have gone separate ways because this is what happens in life.So, at least you knowyour sister has a decent trustable person she can rely on for now. I want you to start to think about your life a bit more now , because you too are a separate and unique person so dont take on mum and dads worries about "oh look what shes done to us now , after all we've done for her...." You dont want to spend your life worrying their middle aged worries. So learn to say " This is not my problem " and excuse yourself from all future family recriminations.I want to give you the key to your future freedom of thought and your right to take control of your life. I suspect their is a lot of anger and recrimination at home and while middleaged may thrive onthat fermenting attitude young people need to find a happy lifestyle for themselves so think about what you want for your future.Dye your hair a different colour if you need to make a statement that you are not th same as you were and enjoy the reaction.Stay friends with your bestfriend and sister, but occassionally ask the sensible question such as " what are you two doing at the weekend." . It may be a case of two's company and threes none..but dont worry about it ..because you havent even started to reasses your life yet as a complete individual separate from everyone else, knowing what it is that you want out of life.
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