A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I recently went on a first date with a girl. It seemed to go pretty well and we even kissed.We have been texting ever since with relative frequency and a couple of attempts have been made to meet again but for various reasons we didn't, until Saturday that is. I met her on a night out having been with other friends. She had asked for me to go meet her so I did. We had a good time again and left the club together. As we were leaving I had to go get my jacket and she said she would just meet me outside. When I got outside she was chatting to another guy. It didn't bother me too much and I started chatting to his friends. Then she started walking arm and arm with him and they were seemingly getting quite close. I tried to chat to her again at various points and she seemed fine with me. We then got to a casino and again she was close with him. At the point I did get annoyed. I told I was leaving and left. My question is was it justified for me to be annoyed with her? I know we have only been on one date but at that point we were out together. It just seems like a really bitchy thing for her to do but then I'm quite new to the dating game so maybe this is acceptable behaviour?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 July 2015):
 To be honest, I don't think I'd bother with her. If you have to spell out the basics to her then you don't have much in common.
And as Janniepeg points out she seems the huggy type so this will be an ongoing issue. A second date is far too soon to be meeting her in a group anyway.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 July 2015):
 I think it was a HUGE "dating faux pas" of her.
When I first read your post, I presumed it was an old friend, relative or acquaintance and that explain her behavior UP to a point.
BUT since she had asked YOU to show up, and you had PLANNED on walking out of there together her hanging on another guys arm is not OK in my book.
I would be blunt with her and tell her you found her actions unacceptable and in the future that would not be appreciated. She wouldn't have liked if you were arm in arm with another girl, if the situation had been reversed.
If you WANT to date her again, you can ask her out again and if you don't... well, this would be a OK excuse to not want to fate her any more.
All up to you.
Like Janniepeg, I don't "play" games.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (12 July 2015):
 I think you are right to be annoyed, I think she was rude. If you see an old friend on a date, you say to your date, 'Hey, this is so-and-so, an old friend I haven't seen in a while' and then you say to the old friend 'Nice to see you so-and-so, catch you another time?'
This isn't acceptable behaviour, if you were out with a friend who behaved this way you'd be annoyed, so for a date to act this way...
Be amicable and polite if you text her but don't invite her out again. Find another girl who will give you her undivided attention on your first date, and every date.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 July 2015):
 You might be meeting other friends but I doubt you would hug a girl in front of a first date. What she did was not a huge mistake but it definitely made your first date less romantic. She cared more about this old friend then making a good impression on you. She is the socialable type so this hugging thing would continue if you get serious together.
You could try to look past this but at the back of your mind you would always wonder if there's something more in between them, or anymore guys she gets touchy feely with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2015): Hi OP here.
Just an update on this.
She messaged me today apologising for "last night" and said that the guy was someone she knew and hadn't seen for a long time so she was catching up with him. It seems like a message riden with guilt to me. I'm not really sure how to respond. I don't mind her getting with other guys as I would do the same at this stage. But it still seems off to me that she sort of just left me for him without explaining that at the time.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 July 2015):
She could be flirting. She could be showing you how socialable she is so if you don't make a move she has plenty of other guys to move on to, therefore how desirable she is. It's possible she did that to test your reaction. People play relationship shit tests to see how dominant you are. She feels if you feel strongly about her you would assert your territory or confront that guy. Whatever you do you lose. If you get aggressive with that guy you risk making a fool of yourself. If you do nothing she thinks you don't care much about keeping her. There are ways to combat shit tests.
I do not accept shit tests nor am I new to the dating game. I am not aware if a guy is playing a test on me and I usually fail those tests miserably. At the same time I lose people who are in it for the games only. I prefer the direct approach, say what you mean kind of people.
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