A
female
age
36-40,
*ildchild6484
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 8 1/2 yrs and I recently discovered he is chatting with women from the Phillippines via webcam again. This is something we got into several arguments about 4 years ago (and he promised to stop) and now I've discovered him doing it again. First, let me say I have no problem with him looking at porn and I am anything but a "prude" in the bedroom. But he's telling these women he is single and that he hopes to one day have a Phillipino wife. He's also telling certain one's that he "loves" them, even though I see no emotional attachment to them...its like he's telling them that to manipulate them to do more sexual acts for him. And in addition, he is paying them for their time or promising to pay them (but sometimes he flakes on them). I havent confronted him yet about my latest discovery, but I know he's going to try to say its "not a big deal" and that he still loves me. So am I over-reacting? Is this just his way of enjoying "porn", or am I bring manipulated into thinking Im the one who is wrong in this situation?
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female
reader, Wise_little_elf  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Wildchild6484 I wish you all the best with your decision, may good things follow you :-D
A
female
reader, wildchild6484 +, writes (13 March 2012):
wildchild6484 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your responses! I felt like I wasn't over-reacting, but when talking to a couple friends who already dislike my bf (yes, I know, that should have been a red flag right there), it was hard to tell if they genuinely agreed with me or just wanted me to leave him because they've always hated him. I've already looked at a couple apartments and hope to have a new place to live by the end of this month. My bf does not yet know Im leaving...I plan to move all my stuff out before I confront him so he cant manipulate me into staying. Thanks again everyone!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): Most people here are upset about pornography in general, actually contacting them is way worse!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2012):
 He sounds like douche!
Yes, he is cheating, even if he doesn't care for them.
My question to you is this, WHY are you letting a guy treat you and other women like this?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Over reacting? I'd say you were under reacting. I'm not recommending an explosive confrontation, but that you pack your bags and be on your way.Whether his agenda is to use these women as masturbation fodder or to seek out a foreign wife, the point is he has no problem manipulating women and exposing them to injury for his immediate gratification. I happen to agree with your assessment of his behaviour, that he is just using them, but even so. Are you ok building a life with a man who thinks nothing of using others as long as he is nice to you?Nevermind his explanations. There aren't any worth hearing. Nevermind his promises to stop. He's said that before and even if he kept his word, the fact that he would do what he's done in the first place shows he has no character.He is not a keeper.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 THIS IS SO NOT YOU OVER REACTING! He sounds so manipulating. Sounds like if you confront him he will turn it on you, and make you think you're being silly.
Get out honey.
You've been with him a very long time, I know that it's easy for me to say leave him when I don't know the fact.
But this guy is taking you for a ride.
Don't let him.
Be strong and realise you don't need a man. If all else fails.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 March 2012):
 How much - how many times, and it what manner - is he going to mislead you before you "get it?????"
HE doesn't love you.... He thinks you are a convenient place to put his pe*is when he wants to make if feel good.... and YOU allow him to do so.... THEN, when you say, "Gee, I thought we had a "relationship".... and he says, "Yes, you sure did... but I didn't."" you act surprised....
I suggest that you dump his a*s as soon as you have built up fortitude enough to go through with it... Life won't get better until you do....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2012): I don't believe you are over reacting and this, in my opinion, is nothing like "looking" at porn. I would see this as him cheating on me since he is chatting with these woman, engaging them in personal conversations and telling them that he loves and feels for them.
He was doing this four years ago? Are you sure he hasn't been doing it all along? He is telling these women he is single and obviously he doesn't take you into consideration. I would confront him.
I personally would leave until he gets what he needs to do (stop) or just move on. He might possibly have an addiction.
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A
female
reader, Wise_little_elf +, writes (11 March 2012):
No you are not wrong. Watching porn is totally different to actually interacting with someone. You should confront him, and tell him that even though he believes 'its no big deal' to you it is, and your in this relationship too. Ask him to put himself in your shoe's, would he like you speaking to men, tellin them you love them and gettin them to perform sexual acts. He may have a problem if he is going as far to actually pay for this aswell, some men can't control there urge for it , like my ex. The chase is better than the catch. I would have a serious conversation about this to him, and let him know, you aren't pushing this off as a light matter. It could end up seriously affecting your confidence also.
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