A
male
age
41-50,
*uzzles21
writes:Hi, I am a 26 year young attractive male. I started dating a guy about 2 months ago. I really like him a lot, and think I may even have loving feelings for him. I think that he feels the same way too, we have open communication, and we talk about our feelings. Probobly after about one month of regular dating, and such, things become a little more serious, and before I know it, I am at his house almost every night. He says he wants me to come over, and when he asks, I usually double check him to ensure it's "really ok" cause I don't want him to get sick of me, and he always says "why wouldn't I?". Well, recently, he told me (in a text message...yeah) that he wanted to slow things down b/c he doesn't want to ruin our relationship by taking things too fast. I am in agreement, however here's the twist: he has an ex. They were in a relationship for 8 yrs., although I'm told the last couple were very rocky. About 2 weeks after him and I started to date, he kicked out the ex who was still living there, because he thought it unfair to me. (Well, thank you). So... a week before the "slow down text" came rollin' around, he told me that the ex left a message on his phone about some post relationship finacial business. Fine. Now, I come to find out that he has been calling the house a couple times a week, and they have been texting back and fourth sometimes. (don't ask how I know this, I am not a spy, but my heart is on the line here, people!) The texts aren't anything to beat him up over, I just know that they talk about things that I don't know about. Of course he hasn't told me he's been in any contact with the ex since the post relationship finacial business message. He says there's no one else, including the ex, that he wants to be with other than me, and I belive him, but still having a hard time taking it slow now, and finding out there has been contact between him and his ex. Am I over-analyzing, or headed for heartbreak?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (28 March 2008):
 maybe you are the rebound which would explain why he jumped into everyday banality with you so quick (too quick for you to believe the sencerity of his intentions), the contact with the ex is not a good thing as you could become a superficially cared for pawn in a game of "i want you back", dsigned to pull at the heartstrings of the ex. if it fails you would return to being the runner up prize.
i would discuss things with him as a rebound from eight long years is no solid ground for a fresh start and it takes ages to get over a relationship that long before you could go it again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I agree 100% with Tisha, Sometimes you do have to go through all the possibilitys and cover your heart..He was in a long relationship and there are always finacial and other things to be worked out when in a relationship for this long when it finishes, Now when they start talking again you have every right to be on your guard hunny, You have everyright to protect your heart. So take it slow hunny your aware of things which is good, So go with the flow hun take one day at a time and be safe..
Ive found a link that may help hunny....give you a little lift and insight...
http://gaylife.about.com/cs/lovedating/qt/time.htm
YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOTS OF LOVE N SQUIGY HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Hmm, asking for a slow down after contact from the ex is not a good sign, but your relationship with him is still young. It's only 2 months, after all.
Maybe you are over-analyzing, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. Sometimes I read posts on this site and want to shout out 'Cover your heart, Indy, cover your heart!' (You remember the Indiana Jones movie?) Anyway, I think that you have a right to be cautious and maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing for you to back up a bit from him. Give yourself some air and some space so that you can be as objective as you can be about the relationship.
The slow down message is important to heed here. I'm going to suggest a book for you, it works for any orientation, by the way, so don't get too caught up in the he/she verbage in it. 'A Fine Romance' by Judith Sills. It helped me figure out what I wanted in a relationship...
All the best to you, and 'cover your heart'!
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