A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Curiosity got the better of me......I met a guy on a dating website and we have been meeting regularly for approx 6 weeks .....I deleted my account as I can only concentrate on one person at a time but today I re-registered to see if he was still on and it said active one day ago do I take it I'm not really floating his boat then?? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 Well you have proof now that he isn't committed. And it's not paranoia if they really are out to get ya.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionConfronted him once i had proof it was still active as he said he wasn't using it so i set up an account and asked if i could contact him...guess what!!! He accepted! Then said i was being paranoid and silly!!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 June 2014):
 You don't need to defend yourself about why you use a dating site. It doesn't speak any less of you whatsoever. It's a modern day way of meeting people you otherwise never would have had the chance to meet. It doesn't in any way, shape, or form mean that you're undesirable or couldn't find a guy any other way. No worries.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have no problem attracting men at all that's the problem! But the area I live in is limited to farmers and the left overs no one wants .....I'm not that desperate they are awful! Beer drinking, beer bellied 40 year olds or the other end of the scale 18/25 year olds! I have 2 children!!
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Female anon, not all men on dating site are as you describe. I met my GF online and we spent two great years together. many of my friends have married on line partners. Just because someone joins a dating site doesn't mean they cannot attract a partner or are stooping low as you put it.
One in five relationships start online. Yes a lot of men just want one thing but that's true of other aspects of life that bring people together and is hardly exclusive to online dating. In fairness a lot of women on dating sites have issues, behavioural problems or are less than honest about how long they have been single, or claim to be single when actually with someone. So its not just women who need to be wary.
You say internet dating is stooping low but for many of us it becomes harder to meet people as we leave behind our youth. At 36 most of my friends are now married or living with a partner, and I don't have the time or inclination to go clubbing and don't want to mix with younger people who are still single as I don't have anything in common with them. My social life is vastly reduced as my friends have financial problems or children to look after. At work most of my co-workers are 50 plus, and flirting at work can cause issues now in the ultra PC world of employment.
Internet dating can be frustrating, you meet strange people and yes you need your wits about you, but I know many happy couples who got together online. Its not how you meet someone that counts, but how they make you feel and how it works out. I have met women in real life situations, had partners at work and met people through friends, but online dating is a fun, convenient way to meet new people.
Perhaps Anon you have the looks to attract lots of people, good for you, but just because others choose a different path or are less attractive doesn't mean they are stopping low!
Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): Fortunately, I have never had to go on dating sites becos I dont have a problem attracting men. I would try going out a bit more if I was u. I have friends who did dating sites an said all the men were creeps who thought they could find even better if they just (secretly) kept on trying. If they can do better then why would they be on dating sites then? Give up. U will get someone without having to stoop so low, surely?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 June 2014):
 I am not a big fan of online dating, as others say men see it differently to women. Most use it as a cheap way to meet women when they are single, newly divorced or just looking for a fling when married.
Having said that I know genuine men who use it and have met their current girlfriends online. They are however all 20 something professionals who live and work in the city.
In your case I would say, ask him what his plans are, but be ready to add online dating to your 'been there done that list'.
I would stick to the real world, widen your social activities, be bold.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 June 2014):
It doesn't necessarily mean you're not floating his boat. You two just haven't gotten together officially yet and so I suppose it's possible that he's not felt the need to delete it. I've been on dating sites before and met someone whom I started dating. I didn't delete my profile until we became official. Not because I didn't really like the person and want it to go somewhere, but because I just didn't delete it until it was spoken that we were in a proper relationship.
You could always ask him about it. After all, if he IS dating multiple people, you deserve to know this. Especially since you are only dating him. Ask him. Ask him if he's using his profile to date more than just you and see what he says. You're definitely entitled to know these things, as you are entitled to stop seeing him if he is and you don't like it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 June 2014):
To older than dirt,
I can't do that anymore. I have a restraining order and my club was confiscated.
FA
But seriously men see dating sites way differently than women do, and thus on-line relationships fail, also women of all classes, ages and levels of perceived commitment are daily asking us why their guy is still on the dating site.
Women see dating sites as a legitimate way to meet more people. By and large guys see them as low cost entertainment. I'm not saying that is right or fair, in fact it is rude and unfair. So Sage is absolutely right it is time for you and this guy to set down some boundaries and expectations.
FA
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (13 June 2014):
I agree with olderthandirt. Get dressed up, love yourself and get out into the real world. I think most dating site guys are in it for only one thing, and there is always that feeling that if you keep looking, they just might find a supermodel. Just chancers and dreamers really.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSeriously difficult in a population of 3000. And having 2 children to find babysitters for is expensive. I also grew up in the town i live in so 'know' all of the people i don't want to have a relationship with....this guy lives just down the road so was optimistic
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2014):
 You sit down with him and tell him that you've learned that he remains on that dating site.... and ask him - point blank - "What is the story behind your being on that site? Do you not think that we are - or will be - an "item"? Because if'n we're NOT (an item or potential item) then I want the opportunity to "cut my losses" and dump you now."
That should do it....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 June 2014):
 On-line "relationships" have a very high potential for sinking in the first place..so why not get out in the real world and find a mate the old fashioned way?
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