A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been with my gf 6 months. I really like her, wonderful character and shes hot too boot too. But some small things maybe seem the urk me. Shes never taken any photos of me or us. She isn't as 'romantic' as me, never says so much nice things in texts randomly. I try and do odd things like send her little notes, but she doesn't for me. Shes not one to compliment either. The odd one would be nice, I don't expect them all the time even though I make them all the time. Best I'll maybe get is I'm sweet via text. Maybe I'm expecting too much, and I know people love in different ways and develop at different stages in a relationhip. Shes also cancelled on me a couple of times for friends / family... I'm fearful she doesn't see me as a priority. Ok I know you have to give time to them and its not all about me but when I get cancelled on in preference to others it does make me wonder after we've been together more than 'just dating'. I'd like to think she sees me as a good positive thing she wants to spend time with, but I'm not quite so sure, but I think I'm the easy option for her to cancel on, or the option when nothing else works out, and thats not how a relationship should work. It's like she wants a boyfriend, but not specifically me - there's just that lack of extra interest if you see what I'm saying. Might she just be coasting or is this all in my head...?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Hi,
firstly i want to say that i'm sorry to hear about how you feel.
Based on everything you've stipulated within your msg, i would say that these things are not simply 'in your head'.
It's all factual, however, your gf may not see it this way.
You come across, certainly to me, as a very level headed guy & may i say, a VERY CARING GUY. :-)
Your gf is very fortunate to have you in her life. Many women dream about meeting & falling in love with a guy like you.
You sound like a wonderful guy/partner & it's a shame that your gf doesn't seem to show as much appreciation toward you, all you do & say, as much as you show torward her & as much as you'd like.
I would highly encourage you to stop complimenting her daily, or @ least as much as you've been doing to date & i would encourage you to focus more on yourself, as awful & as selfish as this may sound.
I am not asking you to turn cold, nor to be mean to her, or to treat her badly, of course not, but this experiment of sorts, will enable you to see where you truly stand with her & she herself, will soon come to see that something has changed & she may begin to shower you with more affection & attention in return, as a result of you simply pulling back.
I say all of the above, because i feel that your gf is taking you forgranted & in a pretty big way & the fact that she hardly ever compliments you, the fact that she cancels out on you for others, although you don't state how far in advance, is still an issue.
If you guys were to take your relationship to the next level, ie: engagement &/or marriage, these issues that bother you now, would only get worse/escalate, i'm sorry to say.
There are numerous ways in which you can tackle this, or @ least find out where you stand & find out how much she really does love you & place you as a priority in her life.
These would be, by way of,
-Showing/giving her much less affection daily
-Not complimenting her too much daily
-By placing yourself & your needs first, even if just for a while. (Focus on yourself & your needs more.)
-By doing your own thing, even when you're together
-Basically, by 'MIRRORING' her behaviour/s
There are many more things i could have added to this list above, however, by 'MIRRORING' her behaviour/ways, is really going to awaken her senses & she will come to notice/see that she is not longer getting 'most, if not all' of the attention & she will realise that she has been taking you very forgranted, if it is that she truly loves & cherishes you.
What worries me though, is that when two people are deeply connected, truly in love & wishing to remain together for the long term, they would always make a conscious effort to make thier partners extra happy, to make them feel extra loved.
They wouldn't need to be probed, nor told. They simply choose to, because they do love their partner.
The fact that your gf fails to do these wee things & the fact that you are feeling quite neglected @ present, tells me that 'perhaps' she isn't as in love with you, as you are with her.
Perhaps you aren't a priority in her life, even though she is in yours. (Although she hasn't yet told you)
There is also something else that comes to my mind.
Many people may not even know/realise that a person who has been overly spoilt/loved all their lives, won't treat what's 'important' to their partner, as 'important'.
Basically, they take affection & attention very forgranted, because they've had it all their lives & they don't notice, that they 'DON'T GIVE BACK' what they 'GET'.
They're so used to attention/affection that when they do receive it on a whole new level, still, they don't notice it & they certainly don't appreciate it.
Now, i am not saying that this is your gf, nor how her life has been, but it well may be too.
I guess, only you would have a deeper knowledge of her background, family of origin details.
If you begin to mirror her ways, she will come to notice that she is not longer getting your full attention, your full love, your full anything & if she truly loves you, you'll soon after find out.
She'll most likely come to you, approach you.
If she still fails to notice, nor even care, then it's much better to have found out right now, than to find out much further down the line, when you're even more connected to her.
I think it would also be very helpful, (if, after you've tried everything & still, there is no positive change), to sit your gf down & in a rational, calm & non-blaming manner, disclose to her, all you've been feeling & do let her know exactly how you feel & what you expect within your relationship with her.
All the best & please let me know how you get on. :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2015): She obviously likes you or else she wouldn't hanging out with you. That being said, I get the feeling that you're making yourself too available, and she probably feels that you are a bit desperate. Whenever people post their grievances on a forum, they're careful to craft their words in a manner that makes it seem like they're getting the raw end of the deal. I wouldn't be surprised if you're leaving out the part about you constantly texting, or calling her, always being there at her beck and call, etc.You need to become more of a challenge, and I'm not saying that you should play games either. Just give her some breathing room and make her chase and want you instead of always being there for her. It's human nature.......women are turned on by a man who is confident (not cocky) and has something going on in his life. They don't like men who sit and wait by the phone all day waiting to get that call from a girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2015): Pull back some. You're getting ahead of her, and she's taking you for granted. You pay her too many compliments and treat her almost too nicely. Try not to go overboard.
Don't bribe for affection! It must come as freely and as generously as you offer it.
Tone down the compliments. Too many seem insincere, almost silly. It's trying too hard. Try to dial back your feelings just a tad; so you can observe the feedback. She'll soak up the attention, because she may be a bit self-centered. Maybe a lot. If she cancels dates. Go about your life and limit contact with her. Give your feelings time to settle down some. You're falling too quickly. You're not getting enough feedback to justify it.
You have to do this so you can gain more discipline over your feelings for her. If you know as much as you've said you do, practice what you know. Stop being a sucker.
Don't message her as much, and become just a little less affectionate. Make her wonder if you're losing interest, or catching on to her stunts. Let her pursue you!!!
That's how you determine if you're laying it on too thick and overwhelming her. You'll also find out if she's just a sponge, and likes getting all the attention and giving nothing in return. If you get dead air or hear crickets when you don't contact her? Move on. You're being played.
If she's just not that into you, man-up and accept it. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can pour on the charm and do all the work, and she'll catch up with you.
You seem to be pulling too far ahead. Slow down, and even ignore her sometimes. She knows you're smitten and she's playing you for it.
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