A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's sex drive has decreased. It's been at over a month since we've had good sex. The rest of the time he looses his erection, or doesn't get one. It's been quite frustrating for me, and I've told him that it makes me feel like something is wrong with me or he has a problem with me. He says he doesn't. During the past year he's been trying to get over a porn addiction, which i'm attributing most of this too. He also has a high stress job. Is there anything I can do to spice things up? Or do I need to be patient with the situation?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 Yes it frequently does. It's called 'flatlining' and happens to the majority of men who were heavy users of porn and then quit. It can last anything from a few days to six months or more depending on the severity of their porn use, age (younger guys take longer to recover counter-intuitively), and other factors.
Here's a whole load of information about it. The site focusses on quitting porn, it's worth watching the key videos in particular.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/i-quit-porn-but-my-potency-and-libido-are-decreasing-help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): Patience is probably the only way. OP getting over an addiction is highly stressful, if that's been an integral part of his sexuality then there are going to be effects on his libido. I know logically giving up porn should make him more ready seeing as he doesn't have it as an outlet so he's going to need to have one, but he's also lost his main source of sexual stimulation that he's been using so mentally he's going to have to adjust.
OP it's nothing to do with you, he's also in a high stress job. Maybe it was the porn that was the only thing keeping his libido alive because of the speed and efficiency at which it arouses and finishes a person.
By all means try some things to spice it up, see if you can get his juices flowing but don't bother trying if you're just going to get disheartened if it doesn't work, you're only going to feel bad and make him feel worse and the added pressure is just going to make it harder for him to perform.
Stop taking this as a reflection on you OP, it's not helping. We're not like you OP, women can have sex whether they're aroused or not with the help of lube, if our bits won't play ball then there's nothing we can do. We can't fake it and it mostly isn't even about arousal when it comes to ED anyway. A guy can be very aroused but his penis will just not physically play ball.
My fiancée is the most beautiful woman alive to me, but guess what sometimes my penis just doesn't want to get hard, sometimes my mind is just not in a state to find anything arousing. We're not fuck machines OP, it doesn't matter how beautiful, sexy or otherwise a woman the penis can and will have a mind of its own and sometimes it decides it'd rather stay floppy.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (12 April 2013):
 I spoke to a counselor about my ED n in my case even tho I watched porn I lacked self confidence in my appearance ive since changed that (drastically ill add)and still watch porn n im rock hard as ever ;).. Have him try an over the counter sex booster like steel libido. Ive tried that stuff n it more than amplifies my sex drive. I highly recommend it. Like u said his job is stressful try surprising him with a sudden sexual advance. Like a no words just clothes off approach. You seem to be a real good GF by staying patient. Good luck.
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