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female
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anonymous
writes: hiya,i have a dilemma. I am 25 years old and i was seeing this guy for almost a year but he is only 22. He was attending university but basically never went cos towards the end of our relationship, all he wanted to do was party. We ended up splitting up as he decided he would rather go out and hve a good time than be with me. He may sound like an asshole but he is actually a lovely guy who i loved deeply and i know he loved me. I made several attempts to reconcile with him but he didnt want to know. He has now moved home (he was living in a flat with friends) and has decided to concentrate on getting a trade (electrician) rather than the uni life as it just was not for him as he didnt have the discipline requried. Now that he is home i know that he has had time to thnk and he has been calling me and txtn me telling me how sorry he is for waht he did and how he wants me back. I know him and i know he is sincere but is it possible that he is just thinkin this cos he is lonely? I put this to him and he told me i have to stop telling him what i think hes thinking and maybe hes right.So i told him we'd give it another go last week and he's being perfect but i am afraid to open up to him in case he hurts me again. He knows all this and he says he will do anytig to make this work. He was with a few girls when we split up and did a lot of drugs, basically went mad and now he says he realises how stupid he was to let me go; I am going to give him another go and see, cos i am strong now and wont let him hurt me and i dont think he will, but i just want to know am i being naiive and stupid? If u met me, u would realise that i am not the kind of girl to put up wiht crap but we are split for about 4 months and i still love him and i know he still loves me but i just cant stop thinking about the other girls he was with and how much he hurt me, do you thnk we can work it out???
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female
reader, pica +, writes (25 July 2006):
Rather than make a huge on/off decisions why not see each other in a low-level way for a few weeks to see how you get on? Keep it cool, don't spend the night together, effecively just go on a few dates. Get to know each other again in a new way. I can totally understand your wariness - a low-profile relationship would allow you to explore what could be there without you feeling you've plunged back in. You can't just drop the recent past but maybe you can ride it out. Good luck, either way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): Sorry!!pressed the enter key by accident before id finished my reply. Anyway, just remember hat you're your own person and you dont need to rely on anyone else to make you happy because if you do start to rely on this guy, you'll lose confidence in yourself. My advice is go for it, because you have little or nothing to lose!good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): Well, you seem like you'd be able to recover quickly if he hurts you and a lot of people don't have that strength and confidence. Because you love him deeply i think that it's worth the risk to give him another chance of being a part of your life and trying to make it work, because apart from your deep feelings from him, you also have the mental attitude that you are "strong and won't let him hurt me", so i reckon you will be able to pick yourself up and move on if he does. I know i said that before but i think you can work on that a lot.
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