A
male
age
51-59,
*idlife?
writes:I'm a 39 year old guy, married 18 years with 2 kids 15 and 10 boy and girl. My wife has had a lot of health problems over the years. About 6 or 7 years ago our sex life became virtually non-existant. Finally 3 years ago I had an affair for about 4 months. I told my wife i was leaving but her mom passed unexpectedly at the same time so I stayed and ended up messing with several other women along the way. Now I've gotten involved with someone and am very attached. I've been seeing her for about 5 months and finally told my wife and kids i was moving out to take a break. The problem is the girl I'm seeing is only 20 and I know it will never last. Am I mid-life crazy or is it truly time to make a break?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): If you want your feelings about this to be accepted and understood then you need to learn to phrase this stuff better.
Having a "midlife crisis" is not socially acceptable. Men get ridiculed for it.
Women do the same thing but they have much more complicated ways of describing their motivations. So they get accepted or even praised for it.
A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (10 April 2010):
Don't you think these CHORES you have done for your wife is normal stuff done bet hb and wife. Dammit you are not a martyr, anything but! I humbly suggest that you quit wasting either the wifes time or the kids after all they have burdened you for too long now, havn't they? So pack your bags and move on. Don't look back. When people (who are supposed to be your loved ones) become a burden, and you do things begrudgingly then the only solution is to hit the road and not look back. You words and I am certain your mannerisms displayed to your family reveal that you are done with them. Bottom line: Move on, and this will give your wife a chance to salvage her life, a chance to meet a decent man who will accept her, lover her, value her, cherish her Health issues and all. Meaning there is someone out there who will not view her as a burden but will love her irrespective. I thnk she deserves this,don,t you? Hurry up, your 20 year old is waiting, and as with the younger ones they do not like to be kept waiting. Just ask your kids! Your mind is made up to divorce your wife so do so without prolonging anyones misery anymore. Goodluck for the future.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (9 April 2010):
 "Ive been there for every health issue my wife has ever had, taken care of her and paid every bill and kept up with the house and kids too. So its not like Im a run of the mill man whore"
Isn't this what you're supposed to do as a husband?
Look, if you want out of your marriage, get out. Just be prepared to deal with the fall out and give some thought to your life after your relationship with the 20 year old ends.
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A
male
reader, midlife? +, writes (9 April 2010):
midlife? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel the need to add to my original posting. Ive talked to my wife several times about our issues and she never seemed like it meant anything to her till i said i was leaving. I didnt go out looking for a 20 year old either. We met and just hit it off.She could have been 30 or 40 just as easily. Ive been there for every health issue my wife has ever had, taken care of her and paid every bill and kept up with the house and kids too. So its not like Im a run of the mill man whore
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A
female
reader, LoveGirl +, writes (9 April 2010):
What I read is of a man who seeks sexual pleasures outside his marriage and who has total disrespect for his wife and kids. Whether the 20 year old babe will tire of an old fuddy duddy like you soon is not the issue. I think you are wasting your wifes life so how about you going through your so called mid life mess up while your wife carrys on her life with you to mess her along. Whether it is the 20 year or or another woman doesn't matter. You are so far removed from your wife and kids that it makes no sense to be in a marriage. Thus far you have been like a spoilt child wanting your wife and your lover too. You cannot have both so please pick your mistress and let your wife and kids pick up their lives and move on. Without you. You are becoming a burden to them and you are not hb or father material anymore. For you it is all about your sexual conquests and sexual gratification. Your wife and kids have suffered enough. So plse do the only honourable thing and leave them. You can then enjoy your 20 year old while it lasts.then move on, because you have shown that you are not consistent.
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A
female
reader, RockChick2010  +, writes (9 April 2010):
Sex shouldn't have to ever be important. Your wife had problems with her health and you weren't there for her. Instead you insisted you bed sluts. Selfish much? And you have kids. What in hell are you thinking? You seem just like another Tiger Woods i'm afraid. You're telling all this on a dating site may i add. What are you doing on here while you have a wife? You have it all and you're not even appreciating it. She might aswell find a man who truly deserves her. And she will. Can't believe how ungrateful you are. When you do leave her, you will have managed to give her family and friends a more horrific view of the reason you left. Do you want that? Good cos you probably deserve everything you get. Karma can only be a good thing.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (9 April 2010):
It all depends; what are you going to do when the 20 year old dumps your old ass for some guy she met on Facebook? Are you going to try to go back to your family or are you truly ready to live as a single man?
Out of curiosity, how do your kids feel about you needing to "take a break" from them?
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A
female
reader, unappeciatied +, writes (9 April 2010):
Look at it this way, " nothing last 4ever". if you are going to move out, get a place and invite your 20 year old gf to your spot and vice-versa. You can still have your freedom and your family wont feel uncomfortable when visiting and things. When I was 20 I was involved with a 40 year old.It was the most meaningful relationship I have ever had. I loved him dealry and still do. We seperated because after 4 years his daughter( which was only 8 years younger than me), began being really disrepectful, and I was not ready to be a step mom. I dont have any children so I couldnt take that from her little ass. What I am saying is that every1 needs room for growth at one point or another. Get ur place, mantain a friendship with your wife and date. That way you cant lose. enjoy!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (8 April 2010):
 I think you should try to make your marriage work, try counseling or buy yourself a red corvette if you feel the need to. You will be destroying your home to go after a 20 year old attachment because you did not say love. Have you thought this threw you are aware that you are going to become a weekend dad, you are going to have to support two homes and that you are going to abandon your wife of 18 year for a 20 year old that could just be a fling. I think after 18 years of marriage your wife deserves a chance to defend her home.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 7 years without sex is a pretty long time and my personal opinion is that a marriage without sex is just a friendship.
Hey if you do leave I think it should be to be by yourself for a while. Don't leave to jump into the arms of someone else straight away. Give yourself some time to get to know you. The breakup of any relationship is a very emotional time no matter how disconnected you feel from your current partner and after 18 years with one person you will need some time to do some soul searching.
Good luck on your journey.
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