A
female
age
51-59,
*lwaysalone
writes:I am a 47 r old female. Divorced since 2012 and I have not one friend in this world... honest to GOD! I have been on a dating site and have found 2 guys that I have dated. One was a jackass and his free time was always consumed but never with me. 2nd guy have same views on life, relationship, get along fantastic, enjoy each others company and the outdoors it's like we were meant to be. Honest open and communicate well with one another, but after 2 months may come to an end. Why is it so freaking hard for me to have someone in my life and I an starting to think I will be alone forever.. like I am being punished for something. Just trying to understand why me? I don't do mean, jealousy, hate or anything negative in my life and most important I know how to treat a man.
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 August 2017):
It's because as we age, our charm points and attractiveness wither, and people nowadays only look at your appearance.
I think you should join an art club, a sport, or volunteer, and you will be able to meet people your age that are single and are looking for a loving woman like you.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (28 August 2017):
 YOU HAVE GOT VERY GOOD ADVICE from Wise he puts a lot of effort into helping people on here, and we see this question often, and some times the poster does not even be fully aware of what is hidden within their post,
even though you were only in this last relationship for a short time does not say that you were not committed to it and you invested a lot into it,
so it is normal that you have to go through same stages of grief as if it was a death.
at the same time, you want to put your self out there looking to get MR right, just take your time and you can be a little bold in messaging guys on sites in that we are in the 21st-century and women have the right to say hello look I am here and not have to stand in line as if you were in the ballroom of romance in 1899 HOPING to get asked to dance.
I am not saying you have to through yourself at men, but you could take a pointer from what some men I know do they talk to many women on these sites at the same time until they are happy with one,
there is often debate about the ethics for this but if only talking I think it is ok. I have a guy that is just next door he said he had sex with 3 different women on one weekend that is a whole different bunch of ethics.
you can still be a Lady and push yourself in the same way you sell yourself for a job, is your profile good? do you have a good photo? if not it might be worth getting someone to take a photo of you, it is even posable to get an amateur photographer to take a few shots of you for free, many are always looking for someone to stand in front of the camera for them, they get experience and you get your photos, they have a name for it.
IT might even be a good way for you to build your self-esteem and what harm could it do! it might even help in ways that you did not expect and get you out more. you never know the guy at the back of the camera might even end up falling for you. I have heard of that happing before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): I went through a period of being alone after my partner died of cancer. First I had to get through the grief; then I had to decide when I was ready to put myself out there. I was very clumsy at the dating thing. I made a lot of friends. That comes quite easy for me. It frustrated a few people who liked me, and was hoping for more. I'm picky.
I don't think the experience of being single and independent is a terrible thing. If you spend a lot of time focusing on on being alone, but not doing anything particularly interesting or exciting with your life; all you'll concentrate on is being alone. People who don't travel, or make the most of their independence may seem uninteresting and boring. Living life to the fullest and being basically happy; sends out the best and most attractive vibe. You don't depend on other people to make you happy! You offer it and can share it.
Dating is a process of selection and rejection. You don't hit the jackpot immediately when you're searching for a good match. I think women are too intensely focused on landing a committed-relationship and becoming a couple. So you rush and push too hard to keep someone around. That would happen, if you didn't place so much pressure on your dates; and just relaxed and enjoyed the company. Many women are too hard-pressed on finding someone you can make a boyfriend or a husband. You become too no-nonsense and ridged. No fun!
You can be in a relationship, and still feel very much alone, if your partner is not particularly attentive or affectionate. You feel smothered or caged with people who have no interests or like activity in their lives.
You have to reset your thinking that you can only function and survive as couple. That sort of thinking brings a lot of dependency into relationships. Men recognize "clinginess" very quickly; and most men run from it. Whether women like that or not. It's a guy-thing!
Most single-women on the market, declare they are by no means clingy or difficult. But then you have to wonder what men see that they won't stick around? Not counting flaky dates you meet online. They are kids in a candy shop. Their profiles are bullsh*t, and they're mostly trolls and weirdos. Just easier to find among hundreds of subscribers.
If you come across as confident, self-assured, and strong. Men feel more at ease. Doesn't mean a guy wants to immediately be a boyfriend, or rush to the alter. They also know a good-catch when they see one. We won't mess around!
I'm talking about quality gentlemen of good character. Not sleazeballs and trolls. I mean the nice-guys.
We are snatched-up for being keepers; but don't always get a fair exchange for our best qualities. Dependability, good work-ethic, kindness, generosity, reliability, and a strong sense of loyalty. Insecurity and body-image issues are no match for such good qualities. Losers will stick around, or hit and run. What choice do they have? They are the rejects the smarter-stronger women cast aside.
Never discuss the horrors of your past relationships on a date, or with a man you're just getting to know. Men sense drama and emotional-issues. Don't expect every good date to become a relationship. Sometimes you click, but you don't match!
People over 40 have already experienced marriage and a series of past relationships; so they are leery of immediately forming long-term relationships. They prefer something causal, taking it slow, and building something closer over-time.
This is the 21st-century. Dating sites only provide access to a lot of profiles. They don't guarantee matches, and the commercials are all hype to get you to sign-up.
Finding someone looking for the same thing you're looking for, and wanting a long-term commitment takes patience, time, and weeding-out a lot of losers. Good men are hard to come-by; and being one of them, I took my time before I gave my heart and settled-down. I met some real loonies and goons along my search; but I accidentally found what I was looking for when I stopped trying. It's going on four years strong.
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