A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 years old. I have plenty of confidence and feel sexy too. I have absolutely no clue if I'm touching myself properly because you can't touch my clitoris. Why does it hurt to touch my clit? Even when my ex boyfriend licked my clit it still hurt me. I'm embarrassed because everyone else can rub and get their clit licked but I can't. In order for my body to feel a positive sensation you have to rub high above my clit. In order for me to feel a positive sensation I have to touch above where my vagina splits. I don't understand I thought everyone else rubbed their clit and vagina area. I watch porn and women feel good when the get underneath their clit licked and I don't understand why I'm different. There is no burn or itch. I'm usually soaking wet, aching to orgasm. I think I can climax but in order for me to climax it really hurts me and I literally feel like I'm going to have a heart attack from masturbating so fast and so hard. I have never really found sex to be pleasurable because it hurts me. To be honest, I've always thought that only men enjoyed sex and the women hated it but only did it for their man. I just feel so weird because I have been told by other women before that they enjoy sex and I never understand why I don't enjoy sex. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2017): Good advice from Youcannotbeserious.
Also, if you haven't, you might also want to talk to your gynecologist about why sex hurts. It shouldn't hurt. It's possible you need lots of foreplay or extra lube or a certain position or something.
BTW my wife does not like direct clitoral stimulation until she's really turned on-- she masturbates by rubbing her clit through her panties.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 June 2017):
 Yes, I have this advice for you: enjoy what works FOR YOU. Do not compare yourself to other women, especially ones you see "enjoying sex" in porn films. It is not real. It is staged to titivate. Sadly a lot of men think the sort of sex you see in porn films is what women enjoy and, hence, are far too rough for most women to enjoy. (Some women do enjoy rough sex, and that is fine if that is your bag, but I don't think these women are in the majority at all.)
Some women find any sort of direct contact with their clitoris is painful because they are far too sensitive there (just as some men can be very sensitive on the tip of their penis, to the extent that they cannot tolerate oral contact). Everyone is different in what gives them pleasure. There is no right or wrong. It is simply a case of what works for YOU.
Learn what turns you on by trying different masturbation techniques. When you have found what you enjoy, teach your partners. Explain to them that everyone is different and show them how and where you like to be touched. Needless to say, ask THEM where and how THEY like to be touched also.
Then lie back and enjoy.
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