A
female
age
30-35,
*ppleloney
writes:I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time and I gave him my virginity, and now he wants it over and over again (I'm 15 and he is 15) and I try to tell him no but he pushes me too hard and just say yes. Am I making the right choice yes or no? Please answer my question, I really need your help Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, This_face  +, writes (23 December 2008):
I read your added on response. Good luck leaving him. I'm glad to hear you have done what you wanted to do and have made your choice so well. It's always best to do what you want and realize what has to be done. If you have any other questions in the future be sure to ask!
A
female
reader, This_face +, writes (1 November 2008):
Any time you have any questions feel free to ask. In answer to your second question, if you think he is cheating on you then ask him about it. If he tells you yes, then you have an answer to go from. If he tells you no, it's up to you to decide what to take from that. Secondly, even if he isn't cheating on you, if you want to just be friends that's fine. Not everyone has to go out. People can be just friends. Maybe the fact that you dated and expereinced the preasure of what your boyfriend wanted has shown you that some people are good as friends; but when they commit to each other they just can't do it. The choice is up to you. Live your life as you feel is best. If you feel he wants you to be/ do things you don't want and maybe just isn't ready to commit to you, then do what you want. Your sister might not like it, but you can't live your life for your sister. She can give you advice and such, but over all it's your life and you are the master/ pawn of your life. Good luck and enjoy being young!
...............................
A
male
reader, Gary18 +, writes (29 October 2008):
 No you are absolutely making the wrong choice here. I you don't want to have sex then you don't have to. Ask him which is more important to him you or sex? Let him know that you don't want it the way he does, try to make him understand. If he continues to push you, then maybe you should take a break from him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Appleloney +, writes (29 October 2008):
Appleloney is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much everybody for your quotes and thoughts...but I have another question....ok..I think he is cheating on me....I think we are a good couple and so does everyone else but my sister is mad at me because I broke up with him and now I'm back with him and I can't trust him like I used to but this time I'm breaking up with him for sure. He is my brother's friend and my friend from the beginning but I just want to be friends that's it, nothing else and I know I'm making the right choice now. I'm breaking up with him. Thank you all for your words. All of you gave me a lot to think about. Thanks again.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): teenage guys have hormones that rage out of control so 're-negotiating' on sex will be like crash landing a plane - ie tough. U should DEFINITELY stand up 4 urself & explain to him how u feel (don't be surprised if he's frustrated & whiny & pleading) IF he cares about u - u can reach a compromise-slow down. if not u may lose him. think of what u want & BE STRONG. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, This_face +, writes (25 October 2008):
By the sounds of it even though you had sex once (maybe to try it out or by a mistake or just to do it once) you don't really want to keep having sex for the moment. You're fifteen and young and youthful, don't make things complicated. If your boyfriend won't respect what you want, I suggest you consider leaving him after talking it out with him. You are yourself and you are the master of your happiness to a certian extent. Never let someone make you do things you don't want to do, this is your life. There are alot of other people out there, and even if you can't find them right now that's ok. Being single can be good. I say yes, you are not making the right choice by allowing someone to manipulate you. Although he may seem to want sex, it could be just his body and hormones speaking. You gave him a taste of his "adiction" and now he just can't get enough and is bringing you down with him. Even if he was your first that doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. At any time in your life you can decide whether or not youy want sex. It's something special and should never be taken lightly. Good luck and I hope you consider what I have said as well as what the other Aunts and Uncles have said.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): It always amazes me how naive the kids of today are did you really expect that once you had surrendered your virginity to him that that would be it... have it once and its over... why do you think sex is so prevalent on the computer, there is a thing called the sex industry and sex tourism, not to mention that lads his age have raging hormones...need I go on
If you no longer want sex with this guy you should break with him because he is using you... either through threats of breaking up with you or the "you don't love me any more line" or some other way to persuade you to let him get into your undies and he will continue to do so until you say stop
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): I am not going to give you the lecture on being too young it being illegal at your age etc etc
Earlier this evening I answered a similar question to a young British girl who couldn't understand why her boyfriend who had just had sex for the first time wanted it all the time and my answer is just as true for you in that what you must realise is that
"at the moment he is acting like a little kid that has just been given a new toy, the only problem for you is that the new toy you have given him is your body and he wants to play with it all the time"
What you need to do is to think about why you gave him your virginity and why you find it hard to say no, If you could repost answers to the following it would be useful So ma petite choux fleur open your heart a little and explain a wee bit about your relationship with this boy... how long you have been together... whether sex was a progression, his persistence or a mutual decision and explain a little more about how he pushes you to have sex now. Then maybe we can understand what you are feeling and going through and can help you more
If you don't feel you can do that that's OK
I will answer your question anyway...Sadly No you are not making the right choices, you are being coerced into sex when you really don't want it. It isn't intimate it isn't Love it is sex pure and simple you are allowing yourself to be used and if you continue to give in to his demands you will lose all self respect.
Finally a couple of verses of a poem for you to think about
Now what if a boy or girl should say to you
“You’d have sex if our love were true”
Or “you don’t love me” and “you don’t care”
“I love you so” and “you’re not being fair”
Before you fall into this person’s arms
And let them seduce you with their charms
Just ask yourself is it your love they wish to treasure
Or are they just out to use you for their pleasure
Spirit Of Iona
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): tell him NO! he should not pressure u into anything like that...sex is a special thing between to people who truly love eachother. You are only 15, and so am i, and is thats all he wants he does not truly care about you. And just because you have akready given him your virginity doesnt mean you cant value what you want now.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissRosie  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 Tell him no. No one should be preassuring you into sex. If you're not ready then he just has to except that. Just because you lost your virginity to him doesn't mean you now have to give him sex whenever he wants it. You still have to value yourself, whether you're a virgin or not.
...............................
A
female
reader, AceGirl777 +, writes (25 October 2008):
If you dont want to do it, then dont do it. Tell him hes pressuring you, no guy should ever do that. Its sad that it happens...but you just need to tell him no and stick to your guns! If YOU dont want it, YOU dont have to do it!
Good luck!
...............................
|
