A
female
age
51-59,
*reacle Tart
writes:My ex and I dated for about 3 months - like two people deeper in love than I've ever experienced in my life and I've been married and dated several guys. He was married but his wife left him and he went overseas.Then I got really sick and he changed. He became distant. At the same time he had a financial reversal which he still hasn't recovered from. He claimed the problem in our relationship for the months after that were due to this fact.Then his wife came back and he went back to her. It didn't work out so he came back to me in a type of FWB relationship with no commitments and saying he'd definitely not get married again.He has continued to want the FWB relationship with me and has no other woman but doesn't get involved in my life and doesn't want me involved in his.I have said that I don't want the BENEFITS part but because I love him so much it's so easy for him to seduce me. He says he loves me but I know all guys say that. I also know that guys say they never want to get married again and then go off and marry someone.He gets insanely jealous if I see other guys but realises he has no rights and I don't really and he knows I'm interested in no one else.I don't know what to do - part of me wants to never see him again cos I get hurt everytime we sleep together and then he goes off an gets on with his life. But then I keep wanting to ... Am I making him want me less?
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female
reader, Treacle Tart +, writes (19 September 2010):
Treacle Tart is verified as being by the original poster of the question THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!! Instead of it just being me fighting with my own thoughts (which generally just blur into oblivion) I had the backing of what you said in my mind.
We had a great time without the "benefits" and I'm not left feeling empty and used. Way better! Thank you so much for taking the time to give me your wisdom.
I gotta think the way forward tho, cos not sure if I could keep it up. I will probably need to try and keep my distance as much as possible. We have a combined business so totally separating myself is hard. I had thought of giving up the business and still gotta think that thru carefully.
This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do as we had the most amazing relationship in ALL aspects. I still desire him more than anyone ever. We connect on all levels. But for all the joy I've experienced, have had an equal dose of intense pain and that I do NOT like.
A
female
reader, Treacle Tart +, writes (18 September 2010):
Treacle Tart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the answers you have given me. It has given me strength - and I need ALL i can get. He's about to come over so hopefully will have my defenses intact!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Let me put it this way, he'll never want you more, for other than FWB. You may argue and say he loves you but just sex alone doesn't equal love. He's just saying that to give you false hope and to get you into bed...By him saying he doesn't want you involved in his life is proof, he isn't going to get married again because he has the benefit of all the sex he wants from you minus the drama and fights from a relationship. In his mind he's got it made, he's settled for this. So if I were you I would cut off this FWB because you are not emotionally cut out to handle it. You want more, and he's not going to give that to you.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (18 September 2010):
 You do need to break away. He is taking you for granted and since neither of you is involved in each other's lives, this is not a relationship. It's not even a friendship since I do not believe he is caring about your emotional well being.
Anytime someone makes you think this much and hurt this much it is your internal radar telling you it's not right. It's not right and I think you should end things with him permanently. It is destroying you emotionally and also causing you to not move on.
Once you end it, you need to work on yourself. Figure out what you want. Don't go back to him for friendship or anything. Eventually you will be available for a new relationship that can be healthy for you.
Take care,
Kelja
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A
female
reader, cooListic kid  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 He's just using you to his advantage because he obviously knows how you feel and hes using that against you! If me and my boyfriend broke up and he went back to his ex but wanted me on the side, i don't think i could do it. Hes the love of my life and i would be so hurt and heartbroken. Of course i would want him more then anything and always love him but i don't think i could put myself through that pain!! He obviously didn't like what we had when we were in a relationship or he wouldn't have gone to his ex! You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you in return and cares about how you feel!! don't waste your time with this guy, defiantly not worth it! I know what it's like to try and get over someone you were madly in love with, but it only gets better!
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