A
female
age
30-35,
*zeller
writes:Ok so here's the deal, i just started dating this guy officially on March 26. He's 22 and I'm 19. He's had sex five times while i am still a virgin. As of late he's been bringing up sex more and more often. I'm not waiting until marriage, but i am waiting until the moment that i feel is right. I told him from the beginning so it's not like he got into this unknowingly. This is also my very first actual relationship, so I'm new to everything. We've been dating for almost a month. My question is am i making him wait too long? I constantly feel bad every time he tries to have sex with me, but i'm just not ready to take that step yet. Our relationship has also been a bit rocky so that's not helping things. I'd just like to know if I'm in the wrong. I know sex is a big deal in a relationship, especially true for guys it seems at least from my experience, but i didn't think giving it time was asking so much. I just always feel so bad :( Especially when he gets frustrated with me. I just want to be sure that things are going to last and I'm not going to have any regrets, because right now things aren't the best between us.Thank you for taking the time to answer!
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female
reader, tzeller +, writes (18 April 2011):
tzeller is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow i can't believe how much better i feel after reading all your answers! Everything you guys said is what I've been wanting to hear but haven't been able to. He makes a month seem so long i guess i just lost touch with sense of time and what's long and what isn't. Thank you all :)
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 "I just want to be sure that things are going to last and I'm not going to have any regrets."
This sentence here is exactly the reason that you should not have sex with this guy right now. You're not ready and it shows from your post.
You also say that things are a bit rocky between you two. Do you think 'giving in' to sex will make things better? No, it won't.
Your gut instinct is telling you to wait, so listen to it, it's never wrong.
There is no wrong or right time to start having sex in a new relationship. For a girl who's still a virgin, I'd say the right time would be when you know your boyfriend well enough and you trust him, when you know that sleeping with him will not change the relationship, and when you know that you won't have any regrets.
Ask yourself these questions:
Is he my boyfriend or are we just dating?
Has he shown committment to me?
Can I trust him?
Is sex likely to change things between us?
If for some reason things between us end soon, will I regret losing my virginity to him?
I don't think that you can answer these questions after a month of dating him. You need more time. If he's not willing to wait and is on your case about it, drop him as he's not worth it.
When I met my boyfriend he'd already had about 4-5 girlfriends before me. I had never had a proper relationship and I was a virgin. I waited until I was ready. To me it didn't matter if he 'needed' it. I was on my timeline and I figured if he wasn't willing to wait than he didn't care enough about me. I waited for over 3 months. and he never asked for sex, never got frustrated. When I ask him now how come he was willing to wait, he says 'you were worth it.'
So, if you're worth it to this guy, he'll deal with it. He's not going to die if he doesn't have sex.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (18 April 2011):
 a month and hes already frustrated?
how long have u been dating since u started dating officially on march 26?
I make my dates wait longer than a month and none of them had the audacity to complain or get frustrated.
its how u carry urself. dont act as if ur sorry for that. its ur decision and he should respect it.
ur not being paranoid here. ur a virgin,and its been a month. he should be the one worrying whether u will start thinking of him as a dickhead,since he cant hide his "frustration" and in a way subtly pushes u towards having sex.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Less than a month is making him wait too long? You havent been going out with him long enough to know him yet, your relationship is still in the first flush of new love.
If he is getting frustrated with you, and it is less than a month since you started being a couple, I would not be impressed with him, is that all he wants from you?
How come he isnt giving this and YOU the same sort of consideration, how come he isnt saying I am worried I am expecting sex too soon.
Beleive me, you have not given this relationship enough time yet, wait a bit longer, if he cant wait then you have made the right decision.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Hey,Do not feel bad for him, if you do not want to have sex with him at this point in time, then he needs to respect that or it won't work.Things may be rocky because of this, but tell him that you care for him, and hopefully things pan out, if they don't, hes not the one for you.hope i helped.
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