A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi. Please could you give me some advice? My boyfriend gets depressed often although it hasn't been for a while. I have tried being as understanding and loving as i can as i too can get like this. Only thing that is bugging me, when i felt down a while ago, he was the complete opposite, he told me i was mental, mad needed help. Didnt show me love or anything and endede up not speaking to me for two months. Because of the way he can dump me etc i said no when we discussed moving back in together. He didnt like that at all. And although he says he loves me he wont say it ever and is rarely affectionate apart from sex. That has dwindled also yet i can be woken to him seein to himself which is onlx natural but when he is down and not in mood for sex it does make me feel hurt. Now after him completely mis under standing me tryin to be understanding yet again he said in a row he is depressed because of me . I always have a naggin doubt this isnt goin any where. He proposed early on and now changes subject when marriage is mentioned. I had a termination last year as he said wasnt right time, but now he suggests never wants a child with me. Is this man using me? He is fairly cold cant tell me he loves me when he used to and everything is always my fault according to him. Please advise what you think? Four years on and no progress x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): thank you for your advice i really appreciate it. I am always loving to him though, its always me that will hug him, kiss him, tell him i love him. He used to be loving and affectionate but he now says he isnt that kind of guy. However he always used to tell me he loves me. It seems as tho he can say what ever and do what ever and when i retaliate its me who is in the wrong. I have always been the one to say right come on we shud forget this. . It hurts me that if i'm unwell he isnt interested but if he is the whole world stops. . It feels as if i'm just around till he finds something better. He eyes up other women all the time, if i mention he says he isnt and gets nasty. I love him but i just dont know if it will ever work because i cant change it on my own
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (15 March 2011):
Hi,This guy sounds like he is depressed and believe me if your going to be depressed its when you think the other person doesnt love you. You sound like your spirally into a pattern - he's depressed becuase your not giving enough loving signals or giving him the cold shoulder. I think you need to do something radically different to break yourselves out of this cycle. Potentially find a new activity you can both do together, go exercising together, or attend counselling together. Talking and participation together will increase the intimacy of your relationship. You may also find that sex becomes better too.He may need to start medication to get himself on a more even keel, but if he does it for the right reasons ie to be able to participate in the relationship easily and to start the communication process, then things may work out between you.
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