A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:about a year ago my girlfriend died. I went into a depression. I think about her every day. I let it affect me too much and ended up losing my job. two weeks ago my friend who I knew since I was 6 killed himself after losing his job. I havnt talked to anyone since. I havnt left my house since. this computer is the furthest I've gone from my room. my friends have come over a couple times and I didn't answer. about four days ago my best friends sister came over and used his key to my house to come in. she layed down next to me and started crying saying she misses him so much. over the last few days we have been staying at my place and we talk a lot. last night we were drinking, we were not drunk but tipsy. she told me how she always liked me and how she was always nervous around me. we ended up making out and fell asleep on the floor in the living room. today we went out for the first time. we went to the movie theatre. after the movie we where walking thru the mall and she was hanging onto my arm and she stopped me and told me she doesn't know what she would ever do without me. she's the first person I've been with since my ex. I can't say I don't have feelings for her cuz I don't know what it is but she makes me smile when I thought I could only feel pain. I don't know what this is but I think I love her. that scared me and I felt so guilty. am I manipulating the situation to try and get over this pain? I told her about an hour ago I need to think about things. she's staying at my place and im in a motel less than a block away. I don't know what to do. should I even try a relationship with her? im worried about her and feel a need to be there for her. yet I would give anything to have my best friend back. what's goin on? why did this all happen?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): I have been in a very similar place. My brother was killed in a horrible car accident 2 years ago. Right after his death I shut everyone out and felt much the same as you. There was this one guy who I had been casual friends with we weren't that close or anything but we'd talk every once in a while. When my brother died and I shut everyone out he was the only one I couldn't shut out. I ended up talking to him all day every single day for a year. He saved me and helped me heal a lot. He made me laugh and smile and feel happy in a time when I didn't think that was possible. I ended up falling in love with him because I saw how much he really did care about me and he was there for me when I needed him. People say that a death is one of the hardest things for any relationship to deal with and if yours starts out from that then it might just prove to be a very strong relationship. I agree with everyone else that THINGS DO HAPPEN FOR A REASON. I'm so sorry for all that you've been through, there are never words that can take the pain away of a loss like this and I can't say you ever "get over it" you just learn to deal with it and continue on with life. I think you and this girl should get whatever you can out of this situation, you both are dealing with the same loss and you need each other. If things lead to a relationship there is nothing wrong with it. I do not believe you are using her at all and I'm sure she feels the same. If you're concerned about it you should just talk to her about how you feel. I do agree also that you two might want to see a grief counselor or support group. They are all over the place and they are usually free. I went a few times and it really did help. This is a lot for someone you're age to take in at once. I'm 26 and it nearly killed me to lose my brother I couldn't imagine losing 2 people so close to me in such a short period of time. GO HOME BE WITH HER. You're doing nothing wrong.
A
female
reader, LadyCorsair +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Maybe you're both helping each other, but either way, I think you may be over thinking the situation with her a bit too much. If she makes you happy in your time of need, then there's nothing wrong with that. Would you date her if you hadn't lost your best friend?
You're getting each other out of the house which is the best thing for you both right now.
If you have genuine feelings towards her, then get your butt back home and give her a big hug and kiss. If you feel like your best friend's death is the only thing that's keeping you with her, then it's probably best to remain friends.
I'm sorry for your loss- you've been through a lot and it's going to take a while for you to learn to keep your head above water, but you'll make it.
Good luck,
Lady Corsair xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Dude first off i am so sorry for your situation.
In a nut shell you guys might both ned each other right now bcause ye both understand the pain.
There is nothing wrong with being together.
Id ask yourself this, do you like her. Does she like you, can you see yourself wanting to be with her even if none of this had happened. If not then you must be honest with her.
But dont rush to throw this away. Take happiness anywhere you can get it but just be honest with others and with yourself.
All the best,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): First off I'm sorry that this happened to you. I think your best friends sister has been placed in your life for a reason and it doesn't sound like you're using her at all. I think both of you are therapeutic tools for each other to help each other get through this tough time. I know things seem a little hopeless right now, and as tough as it is to get through these things what a blessing she provides you with a means to not have to do it alone. And you're providing the same for her. So lean on each other and talk about your feelings with each other. I know from time to time you might need a little time to cope on your own but please don't shut everyone out completely, that's what friends and family are for, to help in times of need. It's understable you're incredibly hurt by this, but please don't let it get to the point where it jeopardizes your mental state. You might even want to consider seeing a grief counselor. But do continue to hang out with this girl, and try not to worry so much about establishing a relationship with her just yet just try to focus on dealing with your grief and after you've situated yourself those relationship things tend to fall into place:) Best regards.
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