A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone. i'm a 29 year old lesbian and my best friend was a 32 year old lesbian. we had been friends for years. just friends. she was the single most important friend i'd ever had.she got into a relationship about 8 months ago with a woman who decided she was uncomfortable with her being friends with me. it all came to a head one night about six months ago, when i went to meet her after work and we went to eat dinner with her daughter. her girlfriend started texting obsessively during dinner and she stepped out to talk to her on the phone. when she came back, i could tell something was wrong. it was written all over her face and body language. i asked her if everything was okay. she said no, that her girlfriend was really upset that she was hanging out with me and that she was yelling at her. i was really confused because i didn't understand what she was so upset about or why she had such a problem with us being friends. we went ahead and paid our checks and i asked her on the way out if she thought everything was going to be okay. i asked her if she was needing to not be friends with me anymore. she responded by saying absolutely not. that our friendship was something she would never allow her girlfriend to come between. i drove home that night and i've never heard from her since. that was six months ago. i tried calling and i tried texting. she only responded back one time after i asked for answers, saying that she couldn't respond because her girlfriend would flip out. never heard from her again.thing is, under normal circumstances, i don't think she'd ever walk away from our friendship. but she has become completely financially dependent on her after she had a break in at her house and everything got stolen and she's got a lot going on like a custody battle over her daughter, where she NEEDS to be financially stable. so she's 100% depending on her relationship.normally, i'd be the type of person to turn and walk away and just forget it. but her friendship is and has always been so important to me. i miss her presence in my life greatly. so i drove to her work today after all this time. i showed up at her shop (she has a hair salon), and she looked like a dear trapped in headlights when she saw me. she started getting teary eyed and her hands started shaking. i could tell she missed me. she admitted that she knows it's unfair what she did and that she sholdn't have ever let her come between us. but that there's nothing she can do to change her girlfriends mind. i asked her to please consider trying to bring it back up to her again and see if we could be friend. she hugged me and said she missed me and promised she would.i guess my question is is this fair? was i supposed to just walk away and drop it? and is there anything else i can do? i just miss my friend so much and want her back. i just need some basic advice. thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): I'm gonna guess that your ex-friend told her partner at some point that she has or had feelings for you. I agree that it's the same jealousy that heterosexual couples have when their partners are "best friends" with the opposite sex, but I also think that 9 times out of 10 the partner has a good reason to be jealous. Your friendship has run its course... move on and don't show up at her work anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): A true friend would never do dispose of you to appease another. She's not your friend. Walk away from her and do not look back.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 August 2013):
 I have a few questions here, because this question has me a bit confused.
First of all, the break-in. Why wasn't your friend insured?? I have gone through a home invasion robbery where we got cleaned out, and we had most of the items replaced through our insurance, with the exception of the irreplaceable family heirlooms.
Second, even if she had a home invasion, how did that make her completely financially dependent on her girlfriend? Isn't the very definition of "financially stable" meaning she has a steady income she's making independently? If she's dependent on her GF for support, it's no wonder she's in a custody battle.
Third, I'm thinking your flag means you're from the US as well? Even if her home got robbed and she wasn't insured. Even if she was jobless and living off of her GF (bad idea), this country has many state programs designed to help take care of you and your kids from WIC to SSI to food stamps and more. There are millions of young single mothers who are receiving assistance who aren't involved in custody battles, and the ones who are are usually headed towards joint custody versus having their kid taken away. With everything in place designed to keep a kid with a loving mother together, there are only a few things that would cause a mom-biased court system to take the kid away from their mom, and it usually involves either drugs, crime, or mental illness.
Fourth, how old is her daughter, and is she in fact living with this seemingly sugar-mama GF? She either wasn't telling you the truth about her financial situation, or she's not in a good place emotionally and is being manipulated by a controlling GF.
Either way, you have two choices, either step back and let your friend go, or instead of showing up at work where prolonged deep conversations are very difficult and often impossible, call and arrange a meeting with the THREE of you. Then go to their place and plead your case for a friendship and that you're not a rival. That's a longer shot, but you don't have much else except wait a few years down the line and your friend to pull her life together.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 August 2013):
 Why not tell your friend that you will back off and hopefully the friend's GF will see that you respect the relationship and hopefully get over her pettiness.
Your friend HAS to put her child first. Even over you. So if being friends with you endangers her child's safety would you make her do that?
It's a hard spot for you both to be in.
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