A
female
age
36-40,
*ellogoodbyebabe
writes:So I used to see a guy named "D" a year ago during the summer. We were friends (more like acquaintances) for three years prior. He had just gotten out of a relationship (of 3 years) when I started seeing him. He told me they had broken up 2 weeks before we went on our first date. (He told me the week of our first date. He broke up with her and he said he wasn't happy for at least the last 3 months of the relationship) I asked him why he would even bother taking out a girl so soon. He told me he didn't want to miss the opportunity. He always thought I was pretty, friendly. He knew I wouldn't go on a date with him if he told me that he had just gotten out of a relationship.So, we're very open with each other. And I wanted to keep seeing him. So I tried finding a way to see him but not getting attached. We both decided not to talk everyday, and see each other once a week. We both decided not to tell anyone we were seeing each other (I didn't want to be known as some rebound girl.. when I felt like I wasnt), and that we wouldn't date but just "hang out." Well, that didn't last that long. We would talk everyday and hang out once a week for 2 months. I was convinced we'd start going out. Until he asked me what we were. And I told him that we were two people who liked each other very much. He told me that he thought of me as a girlfriend... and that for him to get into another relationship wasn't reasonable... but he still wanted to see me. He wanted to come up with another way of not getting attached.. and I told him that's not going to work this time. Things were different. So I told him that timing was bad on both parts (I was going back to school for a much anticipated 'difficult year') it was over and not to call me anymore. Heartbroken.. it did get better with time. I was busy with school but more importantly, I knew what we had was real. i knew timing was bad. And I never thought I would hear from him (because I told him just to call once in a blue moon.. but not often like we did in the past). He called me 3 weeks later. And ever since then, he would call me every 3 weeks. It helped me to get over him because I saw how much he still liked me. Then in Nov, I started to feel like we both holding on to something that isn't there. So I asked him why he kept calling me so consistently and he told me he didn't want me to ever think of him as a stranger. He asked me if we would ever date again. And I told him I didn't think we would. And we spoke about that, and somehow we got into the talk of how he was willing to wait to take me out on a date. Even if it was just once, and was willing to wait however long. I figured a guy who was willing to do that must be pretty serious, so I agreed- with some conditions, that this would only happen once,it would be a real date, and no making out. We went on a date to see a show and then he took me out to thai food restaurant. It was a perfect date and neither of us wanted to say goodbye. After that, he would call every 3 weeks again. He even took me out for my birthday. And then around March, I knew april and may would be an awful time for school. Around this time, he called me and he needed to tell me that he made out with someone. (I told him in the past not to tell me this, because none of my business and I was making out with guys.. so I'm sure he wouldn't want to know what either). Of course I was upset, but I knew why he told me- he didn't want to keep anything from me... anything that could potentially harm our future. I told him he was single and could do anything he wants just not to tell me. I told him to never talk to me again and hung up. But he persistently kept calling me, apologizing. I did forgive him (because I was making out with guys) but I told him to never ever tell me anything like this because it affects my school work. I also told him I didn't think it was a good idea to talk anymore.. this time, I was serious. He agreed not to call and to wait until May.He didn't call. He did text me once to tell me he missed me in april. He texted me in may to let me know a couple more days and I would be free of this hell called school, and to wish me luck. I missed him and so I called him. (This happened this weekend) And we spoke for hours again. He wanted to know if we would ever date again. And I told him we'd talk about it when I was officially done. But for now, the answer would be yes.. that he would take me out when i was done with school.I don't know what to do. The summer is coming up and it's just bringing me back the memory of him hurting me (by ending it). He told me he hasn't made out with anyone since that phone call in March.. but more importantly, I was always on his mind. (He was always on mine). And as much as we both like each other.. my head might have forgotten what had happened in the past, but my heart never did. And as much as I see how much he likes me, I don't know if I'd be willing to go through the hurt again. I text him tonight to ask to talk. But Im pretty sure he is sleeping because he didn't answer (and he always does).. so I'll probably hear from him tomorrow. I also wrote that I didn't think we should see each other (I know he would have called me by now to talk about this.. he's just asleep). Am I just scared to be vulnerable again? Am I trying to avoid love? I don't know what to do anymore.
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 You're trying to avoid love. I don't understand how you feel he has hurt you? As of he intended to cause you pain? You were agreeing to not having a relationship, in fact YOU were the one who was avoiding him and avoiding to have a proper relationship. You've been the one pulling away all this time. Yet you say he was the one who ended it, thus hurting you.
I think you've hurt this man in return. But it is not by intent, just like whatever pain he has caused you had not been by intent.
If you want a relationship with him stop making up reasons for why you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. It is that simple. YOU are the only one standing in the way.
|
