A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in my mid 20s and have been with the same guy for 6 years. We've been living together for the last 2 years and have begun plans for getting married. I love this boy very much - he was always my best friend and we have a great relationship. Recently, I have begun to question whether I want to take the next step with him. We have both cheated on each other in the past (I know about his but he doesn't know about mine). His indiscretions were very early in our relationship. Mine have been more recent. It started just before we moved in together. I slept with several old flames but cut it all off when I decided to move in with my boyfriend. I had been faithful since then - upto a month ago. I was visiting my home town and ran across one old flame. We've always had a lot of chemistry (intellectually and physically) and I have always known that if I moved back home, I would be in a relationship with this flame. I know that he feels just as strongly about me and wants to be with me.So, the question comes down to this - do I give up on a great relationship to try something with this flame? Is my current relationship headed down the drain any way given our history of cheating? Or should I try to solve some of the potential reasons that I'm unhappy in the relationship (lack of excitement in the bedroom, lack of excitement in general)? I suggest many ways in which we can liven things up but I am getting tired of always being the initiator. He is comfortable with a routine in the bedroom and although he is open to trying new things, he doesn't seek them out. We have never really clicked sexually but because the rest of our relationship worked so well, I put in a lot of effort into making our sex life work for me.I worry that I might stray after we marry. I have always loved the attention that I recieve from men and often find myself flirting when I'm not with him. I have also found myself losing physical attraction for him. Am I just scared of commitment? Did I start this serious relationship too early (I was 18)? I know that I cannot say yes to marrying him while I have these doubts. But the clock in really ticking down now and I need to come to decision. Do I stay with him and find a way to solve my issues? Or do I get out of this relationship before it gets any more serious?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 June 2010):
 I hate to say this and be so blunt, but your relationship is a farce. You are not mature enough to take the next step towards marriage, and he's likewise established a relationship of non-trust with his cheating.
A true relationship is built on love, trust, and fidelity. You have none of these things. What you have is comfort and security, and it's gotten through dishonest means, as he would most certainly break up with you if he knew what kind of double life you're leading.
You shouldn't be in any kind of relationship. You would hurt the person you're with right now. Best to have some casual flings, one night stands, friends with benefits, and get it out of your system. When you've grown up, maybe you can consider a true relationship.
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